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Those fine words used to reside up on the wall in the kitchen of a dear friend of mine. She came from a family that epitomized this type of living to the Nth degree. Everyday was an occasion to celebrate and to make special. They were/are a collective, living, breathing Pinterest "pin" years before party planning and themed cupcakes took over the world. I was forever in awe at the ability that this friend and her extended family had in making each day lovely and treasured. In some deep recess of my brain years ago, I secretly vowed to do that in a way that reflected the character of our own little family.
For us, it's moments of adventure--Trying new things--Taking the brood to explore wherever we go.
I wish that I could say that we've checked off the ever growing bucket list with a trip to see Antarctic penguins or taken the teenager skydiving. (Is someone willing to stand in for me on this one because I'll pass!) But what we have done, we've done consistently.
The result is this: Our children are starting to create their sense of identity based on those carefully cultivated or often impromptu moments and adventures. We're creating memories. Good ones.
I recently had the opportunity to take my son on a date to see The Piano Guys. This was a calculated memory--one that took planning and funds to do so. It was certainly more than I would spend on a normal night out with my 11 y.o., but the benefits outweighed the costs. A night doing something brand new to him, time with some good friends, and an experience witnessing a group of musicians joyful and passionate in their craft (in hopes to keep my son's musical interest alive and blooming) where all crucial in my mind. It was time and money well spent.
Mind you, this little adventure took some forethought. I purchased these tickets more than 2 months ago and in the height of some of our most challenging days of the homeschooling transition with my kids. Those were days that I hope to never repeat. Despite the temporary feelings of wanting nothing more than to be far, far away from the epicenter of so much of my distress, I just knew at the time that what we would need most would be time doing something non-school related together. Time together in which he felt that I really wanted to be with him and not because I "had" to was what the doctor (Doctor Mom) ordered.
Success! A special memory was created for the two of us along with the opportunity for him to practice some dating skills that he'll use in about 4 more years. He opened all the doors and made sure that I had everything that I needed. All you parents of 11 y.o. daughters can thank me in a few years!
But what about those impromptu, flybytheseatofyourpants moments that are usually
1. cheaper
2. more likely to happen if you watch for the chance
3. often more meaningful in the long-run?
Those require work too, but in a different sort of way. Let me explain:
Here is a look at what my entryway/front room looked like for 3 days (going on 5 days by the time this freak PNW snowstorm passed through--the snow clothes took over and staked a claim in the front room). I got smart and stopped picking up and hounding everyone to clean up by the end of the first day.
It was a mental choice that I actively had to make.
I had to work at overcoming my natural tendency of needing things to be visually neat. It was either that or I could be thoroughly annoyed by all of the snow clothes, wet and scattered, and lying around. (I really don't like stuff on the floor and in the entryway AT ALL.) The snow would only last a few precious days, so my reactions would either memorialize me as Super Neurotic Mom or Best Mom EVER and the instigator of good, good memories.
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| Yup, dirty snow melt on my favorite rug and things strewn every which way as the brood dug out the snow clothes bin. |
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| Snow left to melt and warp the floor. This was a pretty cleaned up version of what it looked like for most of the week. |
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I fell in love with the moment and we created some really great memories over the weekend. We did the minimum of what had to be done in terms of school work, chores, life management responsibilities and instead filled our time with fun. FUN! Snowball fights, sledding, snowshoeing, doing 'donuts' in the parking lot courtesy of their expert driver dad, and the grand daddy of them all--tow behind the car sledding two days in a row with neighbor friends.
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| I told them to pretend to throw a snowball at me. Somehow I didn't see it coming when they actually threw them at me after the picture was taken. Fortunately for me, they all had terrible aim, minus the boy. They must be related to me. :) |
There were loads of cleaning/home projects calling my name and a myriad of other things to do that I could have checked off of my to-do list. I would have even felt temporarily accomplished, but accomplished in what? Getting stuck in being busy? Sometimes we get lost in being a grown-up. Those things "to-do" will always be there, but my kids wanting to spend time with me won't (and neither will the snow).
Ok, so let's talk memory making. It's a two-pronged approach.
#1. Be consistent. Even if it's only a once a year tradition (like our Valentine's mail boxes or Christmas random acts of kindness) or something done frequently (date nights out with your kids or group of friends) be consistent! Make a plan, put it on the calendar. Less talk, more do. It's that simple.
#2. Be spontaneous. I remember driving through the Redwoods one weekend and seeing a herd of elk running through the trees near the road. The family car came to a screeching halt, so that I could jump out and chase them down with my camera. Yup, we all still talk about that day. Leave it to death-wish mom to chase down wild animals in the woods and try to memorialize it with the camera.
There are plenty of safer ways, of course, to create spontaneous memories, but the key is to let your family and friends catch your example of seizing the moment. If you wait for someone else to lead the way, you'll always be waiting.
I've compiled a list of fun traditions for you readers to peruse. Pick one or five and give 'em a go!
-Impromptu candle light dinner: Dig out the candles put away for decoration or real emergencies. Light them up and eat dinner by candle light even if it's a lazy or quick breakfast for dinner sort of night. Candle light makes anything seem special.
-Sleepover on the trampoline (or family room): We don't do friend sleepovers. (Personal choice. If you want to know why, ask away.) Instead, I'll occasionally camp out on the trampoline by moonlight with the kids and dog. Cheap, easy fun.
-Eat dinner at the little hole in the wall restaurant that you've always wondered about but never went to...until tonight. Self-explanatory.
-Check out a guidebook on local hikes from the library and do a new one each month (when the whether permits). We did this with hikes that lead to waterfalls. Amazing.
-Sit in a new row each week at church. Yep, we're pot stirrers. It's one of the easiest social science experiments to do. It freaks people out every time. The only people that we don't mess with are the cute little old ladies that habitually sit in the back row for the sole reason that they're onto us and have sent death threats.
-Watch old home movies and slideshow-through the gazillion pictures you have saved on your computer. Anyone else guilty of not doing enough with their home videos and pictures? Try this sometime. Really, really fun and sentimental! You'll remember all of the good things that you've done that you've forgotten about.
-A Day of "Yes." I did this with my kids when they were younger when I found myself feeling like I was saying "no" a little too often. Within reason and short of anyone doing anything dangerous, without announcing it to anyone, we had a day of "yes" in which I approved just about anything. Leftover cake for breakfast? YES! Watch 2 movies back to back. YES! Eat lunch on the couch? YES (with safety precautions in place)! Eat a whole pack of gum in one sitting? Of course!
The looks on their faces were priceless. This is a once in a blue moon sort of day, but it was a fun day, especially for me!
I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the gist. Make a plan to have more fun, be more spontaneous, make better memories because now you'll remember that:
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~Arianna
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