Memory Making Matters

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Those fine words used to reside up on the wall in the kitchen of a dear friend of mine.  She came from a family that epitomized this type of living to the Nth degree.  Everyday was an occasion to celebrate and to make special.  They were/are a collective, living, breathing Pinterest "pin" years before party planning and themed cupcakes took over the world. I was forever in awe at the ability that this friend and her extended family had in making each day lovely and treasured.  In some deep recess of my brain years ago, I secretly vowed to do that in a way that reflected the character of our own little family.  

For us, it's moments of adventure--Trying new things--Taking the brood to explore wherever we go.

I wish that I could say that we've checked off the ever growing bucket list with a trip to see Antarctic penguins or taken the teenager skydiving. (Is someone willing to stand in for me on this one because I'll pass!)  But what we have done, we've done consistently.

The result is this:  Our children are starting to create their sense of identity based on those carefully cultivated or often impromptu moments and adventures. We're creating memories.  Good ones.

I recently had the opportunity to take my son on a date to see The Piano Guys.  This was a calculated memory--one that took planning and funds to do so.  It was certainly more than I would spend on a normal night out with my 11 y.o., but the benefits outweighed the costs.  A night doing something brand new to him, time with some good friends, and an experience witnessing a group of musicians joyful and passionate in their craft (in hopes to keep my son's musical interest alive and blooming) where all crucial in my mind.  It was time and money well spent.

Mind you, this little adventure took some forethought. I purchased these tickets more than 2 months ago and in the height of some of our most challenging days of the homeschooling transition with my kids.  Those were days that I hope to never repeat.  Despite the temporary feelings of wanting nothing more than to be far, far away from the epicenter of so much of my distress, I just knew at the time that what we would need most would be time doing something non-school related together.  Time together in which he felt that I really wanted to be with him and not because I "had" to was what the doctor (Doctor Mom) ordered.

Success!  A special memory was created for the two of us along with the opportunity for him to practice some dating skills that he'll use in about 4 more years. He opened all the doors and made sure that I had everything that I needed.  All you parents of 11 y.o. daughters can thank me in a few years!

But what about those impromptu, flybytheseatofyourpants moments that are usually

1. cheaper
2. more likely to happen if you watch for the chance
3. often more meaningful in the long-run?

Those require work too, but in a different sort of way.  Let me explain:

Here is a look at what my entryway/front room looked like for 3 days (going on 5 days by the time this freak PNW snowstorm passed through--the snow clothes took over and staked a claim in the front room).  I got smart and stopped picking up and hounding everyone to clean up by the end of the first day. 

It was a mental choice that I actively had to make. 

I had to work at overcoming my natural tendency of needing things to be visually neat.  It was either that or I could be thoroughly annoyed by all of the snow clothes, wet and scattered, and lying around. (I really don't like stuff on the floor and in the entryway AT ALL.) The snow would only last a few precious days, so my reactions would either memorialize me as Super Neurotic Mom or Best Mom EVER and the instigator of good, good memories.

Yup, dirty snow melt on my favorite rug and things strewn every which way as the brood dug out the snow clothes bin.

Snow left to melt and warp the floor. This was a pretty cleaned up version of what it looked like for most of the week.

                     

After making the neurotic mom choice too many times over the years, my past learning experiences came to the rescue once again and helped me more easily recognize the worth of the following little one liner:

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I fell in love with the moment and we created some really great memories over the weekend.  We did the minimum of what had to be done in terms of school work, chores, life management responsibilities and instead filled our time with fun. FUN! Snowball fights, sledding, snowshoeing, doing 'donuts' in the parking lot courtesy of their expert driver dad, and the grand daddy of them all--tow behind the car sledding two days in a row with neighbor friends.

I told them to pretend to throw a snowball at me.  Somehow I didn't see it coming when they actually threw them at me after the picture was taken.  Fortunately for me, they all had terrible aim, minus the boy.  They must be related to me. :)

There were loads of cleaning/home projects calling my name and a myriad of other things to do that I could have checked off of my to-do list.  I would have even felt temporarily accomplished, but accomplished in what?  Getting stuck in being busy?  Sometimes we get lost in being a grown-up.   Those things "to-do" will always be there, but my kids wanting to spend time with me won't (and neither will the snow).

Ok, so let's talk memory making.  It's a two-pronged approach.

#1.  Be consistent.  Even if it's only a once a year tradition (like our Valentine's mail boxes or Christmas random acts of kindness) or something done frequently (date nights out with your kids or group of friends) be consistent!  Make a plan, put it on the calendar.  Less talk, more do.  It's that simple.

#2.  Be spontaneous.  I remember driving through the Redwoods one weekend and seeing a herd of elk running through the trees near the road.  The family car came to a screeching halt, so that I could jump out and chase them down with my camera.  Yup, we all still talk about that day.  Leave it to death-wish mom to chase down wild animals in the woods and try to memorialize it with the camera.

There are plenty of safer ways, of course, to create spontaneous memories, but the key is to let your family and friends catch your example of seizing the moment.  If you wait for someone else to lead the way, you'll always be waiting.

I've compiled a list of fun traditions for you readers to peruse.  Pick one or five and give 'em a go!

-Impromptu candle light dinner:  Dig out the candles put away for decoration or real emergencies.  Light them up and eat dinner by candle light even if it's a lazy or quick breakfast for dinner sort of night.  Candle light makes anything seem special. 

-Sleepover on the trampoline (or family room):  We don't do friend sleepovers.  (Personal choice.  If you want to know why, ask away.)  Instead, I'll occasionally camp out on the trampoline by moonlight with the kids and dog.  Cheap, easy fun.

-Eat dinner at the little hole in the wall restaurant that you've always wondered about but never went to...until tonight.  Self-explanatory.

-Check out a guidebook on local hikes from the library and do a new one each month (when the whether permits).  We did this with hikes that lead to waterfalls.  Amazing.

-Sit in a new row each week at church.  Yep, we're pot stirrers.  It's one of the easiest social science experiments to do.  It freaks people out every time. The only people that we don't mess with are the cute little old ladies that habitually sit in the back row for the sole reason that they're onto us and have sent death threats.

-Watch old home movies and slideshow-through the gazillion pictures you have saved on your computer.  Anyone else guilty of not doing enough with their home videos and pictures?  Try this sometime.  Really, really fun and sentimental!  You'll remember all of the good things that you've done that you've forgotten about.

-A Day of "Yes." I did this with my kids when they were younger when I found myself feeling like I was saying "no" a little too often.  Within reason and short of anyone doing anything dangerous, without announcing it to anyone, we had a day of "yes" in which I approved just about anything.  Leftover cake for breakfast?  YES!  Watch 2 movies back to back.  YES!  Eat lunch on the couch?  YES (with safety precautions in place)!  Eat a whole pack of gum in one sitting?  Of course!

The looks on their faces were priceless.  This is a once in a blue moon sort of day, but it was a fun day, especially for me!

I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the gist.  Make a plan to have more fun, be more spontaneous, make better memories because now you'll remember that:

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Now off to create more memories and find some more adventure!

~Arianna

Hope Is More Than An Obama Campaign

 

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I have two friends currently battling two aggressive forms of cancer.  By textbook standards, the reality is that the odds are stacked against them both.  Hope is their means for survival.  Hope is what provides an anchor to their souls when the dark waters of fear and discouragement creep in and try to carry them down stream.  Hope means never giving up.  Hope makes miracles possible.

There are people in life that are unaccustomed to recognizing life's miracles, thus making the idea of hope seem naive and a waste of energy. Famous German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, fell into this unfortunate category.  He even went as far as describing hope as a human evil "that just prolongs the torment of man."  This attitude almost leaves me speechless other than I feel compelled to point out that he sounds like a bit of a wet blanket, poor guy.

But I know better and I have news:  I've seen miracles and I have hope. 

More importantly,  I had hope before I witnessed those miracles.  It always happens in that order for a reason.  If the miracle came first, we would likely dismiss it as coincidence (and I'm sure that this happens often).  

If we have the courage to hope and THEN have the miracle come, then we are more likely to recognize it for what it really is--God working in our lives.  Our faith is then further strengthened leading us to recognize more miracles which then strengthens our hope, thus becoming cyclical in nature.  It's no wonder that hopeful people are happier people.  They are training themselves to look ahead for the good and the positive in the face of opposition. 

But, only if hope comes first.

During my scripture study this morning, I came across some of my own handwritten notes in the margin of my scriptures regarding miracles.  Reading in 1 Nephi 17, we encounter the prophet Nephi once again having to motivate his wayward and doubting brothers who were balking at yet another challenge given to them directly by the hand of God.  Nephi, in his relentless attempts to encourage and instill hope, recounts the dealings of God with Israel.  Had God not led the Israelites across the Red Sea?  Hadn't He provided manna, cover by day, and light by night?  Notwithstanding all of these and many additional miracles, these people STILL doubted and still feared the things that God asked for them to do.  Perhaps they never recognized the miracles in the first place.  Perhaps it was something else.

Here are my margin notes:  It just goes to show that miracles lose their power over time.  We must continually act in faith. 

I rolled that idea around in my head again this morning.  Seeing angels, seas parting, and any other miracle of Biblical proportion rarely provides long-lasting belief and conversion for anyone.  It seems counter-intuitive, but it happens just that way. Yup, even to you.  Think back to a time that you were witness to a miracle, whether small or big.  At that very moment you must have thought to yourself, "Yes! God is real! He can do all things! I will never doubt again."  But you do and you have.  And I'll admit that I'm right there with you and to combat those human weaknesses of forgetfulness and doubt, I am learning to write down those experiences.  Sure my kids and grandchildren will benefit, but most importantly, those memories will act as reminders for me when I forget these wise words:

Now, just to prove my point that we are pathetically forgetful creatures, let me share an example that my husband has used to make this point.  Years ago in his kamikaze days of youth, he and a cousin and a high school friend flipped and totaled the car that they were driving.  Lucky for them, they all walked away with not so much as a scratch.  You would think that a momentous event such as this would be forever enblazoned in the minds of those involved.  Just ask my husband and his cousin, and neither of them can even agree on the very important detail of who the third person was in the crash that night.  Kind of a big detail to forget and yet they have.  If they can forget that, then the rest of us can easily forget just about anything else.  

Lesson:  Go write down those miracles and the feelings that accompanied them because you'll most definitely forget.

If you're finding yourself struggling to grab onto the anchor of hope, let me give you a quick how-to list:

1.  Have you taken me up on my daily morning challenge yet?  You can find it here and here if you need a refresher.  This is the essential list.  START HERE!

2.  Seek out positive people.  Practice their optimism.

3.  Get out in nature.  Watch a sunrise!

4.  Have a prayer giving only thanks for all that you've received.

5.  Study the word "hope."  Here's a link to a good starting point:  HOPE.

6.  Focus on being the answer to somebody else's need for a miracle.

7-10. (I hate lists that aren't rounded up to ten! Math OCD.)  Remember, remember, remember, and never...

As I kneel side by side next to my youngest each evening, she sweetly asks who she needs to include in her prayers that night.  She specifically asks to know how our two friends are doing that are facing cancer.  I love how after I give her a vague update and general response, she quizzes me for more details.  She wants specifics to pray about having learned for herself that being specific is important.  I love even more that she prays each night without relenting-- fully expecting and hoping that her prayers will be answered.  I hear that little voice mentioning in name both friends each night.  It makes me tear-up in the semi-darkness and I wonder how God could deny her.  I don't think He can.  I let her optimism and hope anchor my soul as my own doubt sometimes begins to creep in.

Never, never, never give up.  There's plenty more adventure just around the corner.  Just you wait and see.

   ~Arianna, 

Your Adventure Guide

If Mythbusters Put Homeschooling to the Test

Hello dear readers!  As I've confessed to you before, I am not what you (or I) would consider a prime candidate to be your typical homeschooling mom.  It's not that I lack the education to teach.  It's not that I'm head over heels in love with our local public schools (because quite frankly, Common Core math is a blistering boil on our education's behind, in my opinion.  If it died a quiet, lonely death somewhere in the universe, I would be elated.  Joyful.  Downright giddy.)  And it's certainly not that I don't love being with my kids.

The honest truth is that I have looked forward to the day when I would have all 3 kids in school and have some time back to myself for at least a few hours a day.  With all that takes place and is required to manage my family on every level, I feel no guilt for feeling entitled to 6 precious hours a day to mentally gear up for that 3:15 p.m. 3-ring circus that blows in through the front door each day.

God bless all those teachers who in their heart's heart want nothing more than to teach and discipline kids all the live long day.  I thank you.  I purposely studied psychology to better understand the reasons that compel such people to desire such daring and mind-boggling career choices (and then help them through their occasional need to vent--it's a hard, hard job that those school teachers have!)

If you'll remember, we've been in homeschooling mode at our house for about 4 months now.  During this time, we've come to see the many benefits of this lifestyle balanced with the many, many reasons why, again, I LOVE SCHOOL TEACHERS.  I'm not going to lie--homeschooling is NOT for sissies.

Due to the nature of how we came to find ourselves doing home school this year, we were dropped into the situation as if we'd voluntarily jumped out of an F-16 jet doing stunts over an airfield.  Without the summer to prepare, we had to just learn on the fly.  Along the way, we've managed to put a few homeschooling myths to the test and we're prepared to blow them out of the water just like a good Mythbusters episode.

10 Myths About Homeschooling

Myth #1.  Homeschooling is for parents (moms especially) that just can't cut the apron strings and let their kids leave the nest.

Well, if the above few paragraphs didn't convince you otherwise, let me restate: I homeschool out of need.  Not MY need. My son's need.  As I've gotten to know several families that participate in our homeschool program, I've found that the majority--like 98%--are there because they have a child (or children) that have some particular educational need that couldn't be addressed in a successful fashion in the current public school system. They are there NOT because they just couldn't come to terms with the idea of Johnny eating lunch away from home.  It's because there was a real, legitimate need--one that only a homeschooling program could provide.

Myth #2.  Homeschooling means shorter school days.

Sure. In theory.  But what kid rolls out of bed eagerly and ready to dive into the day without a battle?  Not mine!  Add in the totally normal parent-child power struggles at play and you've just made 3 hours worth of work stretch out to pretty much a regular school day.  Except that you don't get paid or get retirement benefits and if the student decides that he hates you that day, he knows where you sleep at night.

Myth #3.  Homeschooling is just an excuse to play and goof off all day.  

Let me tell you what a terrifying burden it is to unenroll your child from a school district and sign-off on all kinds of government forms. You are officially taking on full responsibility for your child's ability to read, write, and do that horrible Common Core math.  There is so much material to cover in a school year that no parent in his or her right mind would even think of trying to play hookie without knowing that he or she is practically ensuring that the child will be mooching off of mom and dad well into adulthood due to a substandard education. Nope, we limit our play days only because we honestly don't have the time to do field trips each week.  I wish!  (This past week was an exception though with a day at the aquarium and a hike yesterday.  Good stuff.  We needed a break in the routine.)

Myth #4.  Homeschooling means you're home more and therefore you have extra time on your hands.

Hahahahahahahaha!  That's the same argument that people try with the moms of newborn babies.  I repeat: hahahahahahaha!  As a homeschooling parent, your job is teaching, parenting, disciplining, motivating, organizing, etc.  It's a full-time job stacked on top of another full-time job and summer break never looked so good.  Neither did spring break.

Myth #5.  Homeschooling will make your child socially inept.

Unless you keep your child in a box and locked in a dark closet (and then if you do, there are bigger problems at bay), your child is going to be A-okay social skills-wise.  Things like Sunday school classes, Boy Scout activities, play dates, time with family and neighbors, etc. ensure that the only thing your kiddo is missing out on is the navigating of those horrible bus ride and playground conversations.  You'd be amazed at what my kids have been exposed to over the years on the school bus and at recess.  Horrible stuff--the kind that makes you want to put your sweet child in a box and locked up in a dark closet for his or her own safety and well-being.

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Myth #6.  It must be so boring to be home all day long with your kids.

Please refer back to myth #4



Myth #7.  Families that homeschool must be um...weird.

Okay, by some standards we might be, but at least not on the surface and not in public.  We have our dignity to uphold, ya know. We don't sew our own clothes (though doing that is kind of an "in" thing to do these days).  We shave and wear deodorant (even though we live in the Pacific Northwest where the folks in these parts fully embrace the "crunchy" lifestyle a bit more than the average Joe.)  If anything, we might be a little more educated after all is said and done.  Doing 2nd and 6th grade all over again (the grade level curriculum that I'm teaching this year along with helping the 8th grader) for the second time in my life might actually mean that my ACT scores will be amazing when I start grad school down the road.

Myths #8, 9, and 10.  "I could never, would never, WILL NEVER homeschool my kids."

Yeah, well me neither or so I thought!  For those of you out there contemplating this schooling alternative, I have news: You can deal with it and actually thrive in just about any situation when there's just no other choice AND especially if it's where God has placed you.  I think that I've heard, "I could never do what you're doing" about 165 times in the last 4 months.  If I was on the other end, I would be the one saying it to someone in my situation.  I know because I have!  And look where I am now--doing homeschool and still alive and kicking.  You can do this too.  True story.
 
As the crew on Mythbusters would say, "Myth BUSTED."

And now off to another adventure!

~Arianna

All You Need Is Love

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It's February and there's all kinds of love in the air.  In fact, if you've been paying attention, it's been lurking at the store for sale since Dec. 26th!

My kidlets look forward to this time of year because it means that we get to dig out the Target dollar bin mailboxes and proceed to do what I've dubbed The Fourteen Days of Valentine's.  Each day is an opportunity for each of us to leave notes and treats or whatever else we can cram into a tiny metal mailbox.  Here's a picture of ones that look like ours, though ours have a little more V-Day bling. (I'm too lazy to go take my own pictures and upload them right now.  I'm sure you can deal with that.)

 

Source 

This little tradition came about thanks in part to my childhood affinity for Valentine's Day card exchanges (I love words and paper!), but mainly because I felt a need a while back for a love-showing intervention of sorts.  The family was in dire need of a boost in the "show more love" department towards one another. Thus, the V-Day mailboxes.  It's been a winner in our book!

Most recently, in order to maintain the tough job of shared family affection, we've had to enact the nightly ritual of an official family group hug after our evening prayers. Our household is decidedly split down the middle between demonstrative and non-demonstrative love-showers.  Some of us have taken after my Italian heritage which can have the extreme habit of excessive affection in the likes of hugging and kissing complete strangers.  The other half, well, they don't do outward shows of affection, so don't be offended.  No, don't worry, you don't have leprosy despite the response you may get if you go in for a hug.

This little tradition of post-prayer-hug was not well received at first.  Not well at all.  In fact, you would have thought that we were committing some horrific act of child abuse by trying to round them up like a herd of feral cats to join in the hug fest.  It was a bad enough response that after the first few times I ended up finding myself destroyed in a pile of tears.  Seriously.  Who would have thought that getting family members to hug each other would be such a grievous ordeal and yet it was to both the givers and the receivers.

But we persevered and now only a few weeks into the nightly hug-torture tradition, there are no more tears and no more animal-like shreaks of agony at being touched by a sibling.  Hallelujah.  The worst offender from Team "Non-hugger" even sought out her dad last night and went in for a private hug.  Success!  Another win for Team Mom.

Now, part of what I had observed to be a wedge in the desire to show affection was more than just a natural disposition to like/need or not like/need physical affection.  It really boiled down to feeling vulnerable.  Hard feelings that hadn't been dealt with, mainly within the oil and water-type sibling interactions that exist in our home, had made it difficult for them to want to be in such a vulnerable situation.  Inviting, giving and receiving human touch makes us vulnerable, after all.  This was most definitely at play here, but I'll leave the rest of the psychological assessment out of this post.  Just know that with all things, prayer, perseverance, and a sense of humor can conquer just about anything.

So back to love.

I've recently started reading another book by my author crush C.S. Lewis entitled The Four Loves.  It's wonderful and thought provoking and I'll be sure to share in future posts some insightful gems.  For now, I'll give you a little taste by sharing this quote about love and vulnerability:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

We seem to have a love-hate relationship with the idea of vulnerability.  We love and protect puppies, babies, and tiny, fresh floral blooms.  Interestingly enough though, we despise being vulnerable ourselves and typically avoid it at all costs on some level.  It makes us feel exposed, fearful, and powerless with the mere thought of trusting and being totally open with our hopes and dreams. Our fears rear their ugly heads in the form of low self-esteem, judgments on others, and other less than glamorous human pitfalls.

I ran across one of my favorite TED speeches again this week that addresses this very thing.  Researcher/writer Dr. Brené Brown has spent years studying topics such as shame, worthiness, and courage.  Her TED speech discusses human vulnerability, an element that she found laced within all of the many studies on human behavior that she's conducted over the years.

Make the time to watch and learn.  She's witty, hilariously self-depreciating, and genius.  For the record, I will only ask you to spend your precious time watching things that are absolutely worthwhile. (She also looks a bit like Martha Stewart, but don't let that scare you away.)

For those of you that need to come back to this video later (and please do, it won't disappoint), here's a recap of some of her finer points: 

• Connection and happiness: We are happy by being connected with other people present in our lives (family, friends, children or even work colleagues). The core of our unhappiness lies within the question: “Is there something about me that I fear or have the certainty that will cause others to stop from loving/connecting with me?” The way we answer is essential. One of the most powerful things holding us back in our lives is the fear that we are not worthy of connection or being loved.
• The common element between courage and vulnerability:  Courage comes from a Latin word meaning “to be able to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart,” aka to allow yourself to be seen, to be vulnerable. That translates into the willingness to say, "I love you" first; to invest in a relationship knowing that it might not work; to be who you are even if you fear exclusion. It means starting a business or a new way of living even if you fear failure. Sadly, we too often get caught up in the thought that we are too unimportant/incapable to change the world even (and ourselves) before we start.
• Vulnerability is the core of our shame and fear. But, AT THE SAME TIME, it is the core of our creativity, tenderness, belonging and love.  Dr. Brown had a great side comment regarding this: “You know those people who find out that vulnerability and tenderness is so important and they immediately surrender and walk into it? Well, that’s not me, and I don’t even hang out with people like that. When this came out of my research, I had to do one year of therapy to be able to accept it.”  Some of my little family must be related to her:)
• We cannot selectively reject or cherry pick our emotions. Dr. Brown teaches that we cannot tell ourselves, "here is the bad stuff (vulnerability, disappointment, suffering, etc.) that I don’t want to feel." In doing so, we tend to simultaneously numb the good feelings as well (love, gratitude and happiness) and we become trapped in a vicious circle that only adds to our unhappiness. How do we "select" emotions?  Either by numbing them--overeating, overworking, etc. and/or we try to make the imperfect perfect--the uncertain certain. We try to control when we feel out of control.  Most importantly, we fail to see that those who cannot practice compassion towards themselves cannot practice compassion towards others.
• Solution? Believe that you are enough (i.e. worthy of love even if you are imperfect) and love with your whole heart even if you might get hurt. Take action even if you might fail. And my favorite quote:
  

  "We need to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."  And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're (good) enough to be (loved)."
  To love ourselves and stay vulnerable--such a challenge at times!  Some deep and sometimes uncomfortable things to ponder.  It requires a tentative change in thinking and I'd like to chew on it a bit more--the process of changing our thoughts all the while improving ourselves--in a future post or two.  Stay tuned.
  And for the record, there was a whole lot of bribing going on in order for this photo to take place. I suspect that one day they'll forget the "ooh, gross!" and replace it with what Beatles fans around the world say:  All you need is love.
  Until then, off to another adventure!
  ~Arianna

Never say "Never!"

Hello readers!  You have no idea just how hard it was to find some kind of an online quote/picture for this week's post: Never Say "Never."  Apparently, Justin Bieber has a song or some other 15 second claim to fame that involves these words.  Out in the internet universe, his name is attached to EVERY. SINGLE. PICTURE.  Google it for yourself.  You'll see dozens of starry-eyed misinformed teeny-boppers who have, amusingly enough, given him credit for this quote.  I find that totally hilarious and sad. *sigh*

NEVER SAY NEVER

How many times have you had to eat those words?  How often have you sworn to yourself and to high heaven that you would NEVER do or say something in particular?  I find myself eating those words often enough and to the point that I just have to laugh at myself or just be completely embarrassed by the young, naive arrogance that has graced me at times.  Chalk it up to being young and dumb and with little experience.  We can say that about all of us at times, right?

Most recently (like a week ago!) I found myself digesting yet again a nice plate of "never" with the adoption of one little Yorkie named Bogie.

The handsome little men of the house.

Yep.  Small dog.  Big sweater.  And no, I didn't crochet it.  You're not the first to ask.  And no, you're not funny.

Stop laughing.  

For those of you that know us well, we are BIG dog people.  Big, hairy, take up half the bed if you let them, buy SUV's just to cart the dog around kind of people.  Small "rats with fur," as we so UN-lovingly referred to little breeds in the past, would NEVER move into our house.  

Oh how delightful to find myself once again eating yet another large helping of "NEVER."

We dog/house sit on occasion for a darling lady at church who is a breeder of these little guys and sure enough, those bright little personalities grew on us over time.  So much so that when she recently asked if we'd take her aging Humphrey Bogart (aka "Bogie") and love him permanently because she just didn't have the time, we took it into some serious consideration.  

A week into our test period and even our largish coonhound has come to terms that we are now in with the ranks of small dog people. The kids couldn't be happier.

Never say "never."

My favorite example of the Eat My Own Words phenomenon goes all the way back to my idealistic pre-marriage, pre-family days.  On a trip out East to meet my then soon-to-be in-laws, I was introduced to what, at the time, I perceived to be the horror of a toddler being left to watch Nick Jr. in a pint-sized t.v. watching chair.  My husband's most favorite cousin and his wife gushed in their satisfaction of having finally been able to get their toddler to sit for 15-30 min. at a time in front of a show and be entertained. They were elated.  

In our naivete, my husband and I (not married yet and no kids) were horrified and slightly incensed that the t.v. was being used as a babysitter.  "We'll NEVER do that.  EVER."  In our lack of experience, we could not possibly understand why a parent would be so joyous as to have a "break" with t.v. watching as an acceptable answer. We had no idea and we honestly said to each other, "Our kids will never sit and just watch t.v., so that we might catch a break!"

Are you cringing yet?  You should be and if you're not, then you someday you'll get it.  

These two examples remind me of how often we are quick to assume what our own behavior would be in someone else's experience.  Life has a funny way of bringing us to this lesson over and over again.  Personal experience is a most wonderful teacher and eye-opener, isn't it?

Switching gears:

In the last few weeks I've heard the following statements uttered by various members of my little brood:

1. "I will NEVER make my kids go to bed.  I'll let MY kids stay up all night if they want to."

2. "I won't make MY kids do chores.  THEY will do whatever they want like play video games."

3. "I'm going to give MY kids whatever they want.  They're going to be so cute and spoiled."

Does anyone else besides me find these statements ridiculously funny?  Our natural response is to smirk, have an adult eye-rolling moment, and then think to ourselves, "Just you wait.  You'll see! You'll give your own kids rules, teach them to work, and set limits. You'll do this because you love them and thanks to your own experience, you'll know what's best even when they can't see it or know it for themselves yet."

I often think to myself that this must be exactly how God feels.  He gives us rules and laws not because He is an excessively strict parent or control freak, but rather because He has vast amounts of experience that we don't have.  He has understanding of what will bring the best outcomes long-term and how we'll be the happiest.  Oh, but we THINK that we know better, don't we?  We kick and fight and have our own little mortal temper tantrums.  

I think that God must often smirk, sigh, and think to Himself, "Just you wait.  You'll see!"  And eventually we do see courtesy of life's experiences and our own decisions.  I often wonder if this is truly the reason why Adam and Eve were commanded to multiply and replenish the earth.  Yes, it would provide a means for our spirits to come to earth, but really, parenting is to teach the parents!  We start to finally "get it" when we find ourselves as the parent--when we're in God's shoes, who is a parent to millions!

Some things that I've heard myself say to my own kids that I'm sure God has said or thought at least a gazillion times:

1.  "Be nice."

2.  "Tell the truth."

3.  "I'm telling you this because I love you."

4.  "I know that this is hard, but it'll be worth it."

5.  "You get to make your choices, but not the consequences."

6.  "Trust me.  This is NOT going to end well."

7.  "If you had just listened to me, you could have avoided this!"

8.  "Did you think about how the other guy felt?"

9.  "Don't worry, it'll work out."

10. "Even though you're angry with me, I still love you."

I often find myself stopping right after having uttered something like the above list and realizing that yup,  God has probably said that very thing to me so, so many times.  I see now.  I get it!

Gotta love experience.  Take it, learn from it, and remember to never say "never" (unless it has to do with giving up) because until you've lived it, you really don't know.  Remember today to thank God for letting you be here to understand for yourself why He does the things the way that He does, why He sets limits, and why He has given us boundaries.  You'll be so much happier when you start to get it!

And now off to go tell the kids zoned out in front of the t.v. (so that I could get some quiet writing time in) that it's time to go outside and play with the little dog. And then later today, I'll spend some time researching the minivan that I said that I would NEVER buy.

-Arianna