I have loved stumbling upon the word GRACE over the past few
weeks. It first came in a heartfelt sentiment
from a dear friend extending some words of encouragement. I heard it next in a church setting in which a
friend directed my attention to the fact that even Jesus Christ learned and
grew GRACE for GRACE.
As I’ve let this word settle into my mind, I was thrilled to
come across it in the 2014 theme for the youth of the LDS church (watch the video for it--AWESOME!) which comes from this verse found in the Book of Mormon (scroll down to the yellow highlighted section). GRACE is mentioned three times in that
scripture.
I came face to face with it once more this week in a speech
that I’ve read several times before. You
may have seen me post the link on Facebook.
If you haven’t taken the time to watch it yet—it’s 30 min., but so very
worth your while!—do it now!
We watched it as a family for our family night on Monday. Let’s
be real: At first the brood wasn’t
thrilled with the idea. Somehow though, the genius mom inspiration to allow the eating of kettle corn on the couch and grabbing blankets to snuggle with,
seemed to make the idea more tolerable.
They ended up loving this video/message and that’s saying something!
(Moral of that story: Brad Wilcox is a genius and GRACE is amazing.)
So, GRACE. What does
it look like in everyday life?
As I’ve considered this lately, I found it to be the perfect
way to introduce to you to a very real challenge that we are facing right now in our home and
have been for some time. It’ll still be
around from here on out, too. It’s not a
temporary thing, so finding ways to cope has steered me straight to the only
source that I have for long-term coping: GRACE.
Let’s back up for a minute.
I initially began the Adventures in Sacrifice blog with the intention of sharing
and recording all of the many adventures, highs, lows, funny moments, wins and
losses of a day-in-the-life of an unplanned homeschooling year with an UN-homeschooling type mom.
For those of you that need a recap, I am
currently homeschooling my two youngest through a program in our school
district. It came as a very direct
answer to prayer. We needed to know how
to stop the bleeding for one of our children who has gone from being
chronically behind in school to outright hopeless and enraged with himself and with
the whole public school experience. It’s
been rough. All of it. But we are surviving (and will no doubt, at
some later point--possibly waaaaay down the road, be FLOURISHING) thanks to GRACE.
Diving back in.
Do you perchance know of any really difficult people? You probably do. For the last several years, I’ve had the exhausting
experience of being the mother to one. This
child’s difficult personality has been further complicated by a few factors
that are out of this child’s control.
Fortunately for us (depending on how you look at it), it rears its ugly
head at home and not in any other environment which means that for those of you
that know this child, you would never know, understand or have been witness to any
of it. What this also means is that I have my
very own private and personal hell. The challenge is that in each day, I have
to work my butt off to find the ways that God would have me patiently care for
this child while sparing my sanity and that of the rest of the family. It’s an
emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausting balance.
Most days, I’m on the verge of throwing in the towel, but
not before I am tempted to beat someone with it first and then stuff it down my
own throat and swallow it. (No child or small animal has been harmed during these really low moments:)
So before I get lost in the mess of trying to explain the problem, the causes, the results and outcome, let me instead summarize and be succinct because let's face it, I tend to be wordy:
1. Hard, HARD kid to deal with in any normal circumstance.
2. Hard, HARD kid has mild physiological/psychological challenges that affect moods and
abilities to cope with stress and change.
3. Hard, HARD school work (combined with a non-standard learning speed and style) triggers kid's inability to cope which then leads to
4. Hard, HARD kid coming home everyday to make our lives a nightmare because struggling kid can't regulate emotions.
There you have it in the smallest nutshell that I could create. It lacks details that would aid in empathy, but as I've been working through this in depth these past few months, I've come to learn that so many of you are facing similar challenges with your own kids in one way or another.
Enter GRACE.
As I was feverishly praying for help in October when I saw another nightmare school year in the making, the answer came quickly and clearly that I needed to home school this year to get this kid back on track and aided with some extra tools. (Along with that clear direction came the spiritual nudge to start this blog which, quite frankly, has been very therapeutic, so thank you for humoring me dear readers!)
Within a matter of days--mind you I had NO desire to ever home school my kids--I found myself un-enrolling my two youngest and taking over the reigns of their education for the next who knows how long. Stress? Nope (more like deer in the headlights). I had every confidence in my Heavenly Father's plan. He even managed to help me find a way to keep my small part-time job through the thick of it which on the surface may sound like a really bad idea, but has in fact proven to be a blessing in many ways.
Within the first week, the focus child no longer had night terrors. Huge win right there. Two weeks later, I found myself giving a talk in church about dealing with mental health challenges to my congregation which then, thanks to God's ability to multitask, led to a friendship with a bright-eyed clinical psychologist who has been helping us through all of this ever since. Coincidences? I think not.
GRACE in action.
This past week I made the decision to step down from an additional church service assignment that I had committed to right as this whole process began in October. I was so grateful for the recent fine-tuned tutoring from my Heavenly Father that has led me to be more proactive in my self-care and balance. Yes, if I chose to stick this assignment out, He would help me, but it remained my decision. I chose to simplify and not spread myself even thinner than I currently am.
Once upon a time, I would have fretted over how this would have looked to others. Bailing out is not how I typically operate. I would have been sick to have thought that I had disappointed someone or put the burden back on somebody else. I am a recovering people-pleaser, afterall. But not this week and not for the last while. This was an important victory in my mind! I have overcome something that drove me nuts about myself! I have the refining fire of this crisis to thank which is a form of GRACE evidenced once again in my life.
Last night our bishop called from work to speak to the child who is struggling. This bishop shared that in his personal prayers the night before, this child's face had popped into his mind and that he needed to call and personally send our Heavenly Father's love. This child then heard from someone other than mom that there are many talents within this child that are yet to be discovered. What a revelation for this child, who is currently troubled yet destined for greatness, who is currently blinded by discouragement and losses! We all sat in tears after the phone call. What a tender mercy extended by GRACE.
I fully expect many, many more experiences to surface that I can give all thanks to GRACE in our lives during this time. Like with any other experience, doing my part does NOT mean doing it perfectly, but rather not giving up, learning along the way, improving as I go, admitting where I fall short and realizing that those shortcoming and weaknesses are how my Savior has designed ways to show His power, mercy, and GRACE in my life.
Amazing grace...
With love,
Arianna
No comments:
Post a Comment