Listen All Y'all, It's a SABOTAGE!!

I witnessed a perfect example of self-sabotage going on at Casa Rees this morning.  A particular child was feeling the need to be extra strong-willed last night and forced himself to stay awake through all hours of the night, eventually making a bed for himself downstairs at 5 a.m. with the dog for company--just over an hour before he needed to get up to start the day.

Disaster.

The wondrous effect of that poor choice was this his mood, from the minute his feet hit the ground, stunk in a royal sort of way.  He refused to eat breakfast, he missed the bus and then to further make his day worse, he used his free will to "show us" that we aren't the boss of him by choosing to skip packing his lunch.

Here's a kid who has historically struggled with school, knows that he functions poorly with little sleep and food and water and announced with stubborn pride last night that he had made it a whole day without drinking anything.  Nope, he wasn't performing a spiritual fast, but rather asserting his independence once again by "showing us" that he doesn't need any advice regarding how to take care of HIS body.

So what did we do as parents?

If this had been the first time that this sort of thing had happened (which it wasn't; not by a mile!), we would have tried to reason with him, perhaps trying to force an exploration as to what was causing his hard feelings, or maybe we'd even cave and save the day by running him a lunch and a water bottle to school later knowing that by 10:30 a.m. he'd be regretting his choices in a big, big way.

Nope.  Call us hardcore.

We didn't give in to his manipulation nor are we going to rescue him from his choices no matter how sad it makes me as a mom knowing that he's going to have a really hard day today at school.  Sure there are times that require parents to step back and see what they're doing to cause a child to feel the need to assert their independence or willfully rebel if things are too strict at home.  But there are also ages and personalities that just tend to behave in this sort of way more often than not.  We've got one of those and it's no walk in the park.

Unfortunately, the result of HIS choices affects how things will be at home once he returns.  His decisions starting with last night's "all-nighter" has begun a domino effect for how things will go for the rest of today:  He'll be tired, hungry, moody, will take his frustrations out on the family which will then lead to time in his room where he'll most likely be shouting that we all hate him and that his life is horrible.

Yep.  Been there and done that scene with this kid often enough to know how it'll end.  And this won't be the last time.

My point is, is that we can teach him what's right and what's best, but he has to want to do those things for himself.  He's only going to truly learn from the consequences and it may take a lot of those repeat cycles for him to finally tie them back to the decision that HE made rather than blame everyone and everything around him.

I thought a lot about self-sabotage this morning on the way to driving him to school while he gave me the silent treatment.  It made me wonder how much worse God must feel when He sees us shooting ourselves in the foot.  I was so saddened this morning that this child would choose what he did for himself against all efforts of reasoning with him, knowing that at the end of the day he would think that he had not only a bad day, but a bad life, instead of realizing that he simply just plain had a bad attitude.

And I told him that.  And his masterful "stink eye" just grew fiercer from the back seat. (I'm still not even sure why I was getting the look of death, but irrationality doesn't lend to doing things that make sense.)

It made me remember of times past when I was armed with knowledge of the right choices, warned of the impending consequences, was given clear and simple instructions on how to find happiness and despite all of those gifts, chose to do things my way and then gave God the stink eye from the backseat when He was right and I was wrong.  Ever have that happen?  Sure you have!

My job now is to remind myself as I often do with my kids, that my job is to allow him to learn and to grow in his own time and in his own way.  I could force him to (fill in the blank)____________, but at his age and in this situation, what would that accomplish?--a robbery of his agency, resentment, and a lack of coming to know, really know for himself.

He will as some point later in the week come to me and talk about what happened and why and I will give him a hug and tell him that I love him even when he can be hard to love.  He'll then smile and say, "Mom, remind me to listen to you next time!"  To which I will wish that I again had someone recording this to play back to him at some not too distant date in the future.

*sigh*

In the meantime, that classic 90's Beastie Boys' song about sabotage will be blaring in my head.

 Until next time!!

~Arianna

P.S.  If you recognize catching yourself in the cycle of sabotage (or wonder if that's what's keeping you from making progress in your own life), I shared some great links yesterday on Facebook.  Sometimes we do these sorts of things out of youthful pride, but as adults, it's more often a result of negative self-talk and self-image.

It's really worth our time to learn to recognize and understand why and what we're really thinking about ourselves in any given circumstance.  The wise proverb about "as a man think, so is he" is TRUTH!  (More to come about that next time.)  Here's some excellent reading and some final thoughts! 

http://blog.iqmatrix.com/overcome-self-sabotage

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201109/dodging-emotions-the-help-harms

If You Only Learn One Thing...

My most important job is to teach them how to find all of the answers.

 A week ago, I found myself in the kitchen listening to my 12 year old son boldly declare his suddenly very mature, personal account of how prayer has been his saving grace during this current school year.  His words and profound testimony of that principle came so effortlessly and naturally--almost as if he'd known it to be true all along and had had years of experience with results to back up his statements.

Sometimes I find it hard to reconcile the fact that this kid,who is capable of torturing his sisters and eliciting our most impatient of feelings as members of his family, is also the same being who offers sneak peaks to the large spiritual giant that lies within.

The conversation in the kitchen went a little like this:

Son:  "Mom, want to know why I'm doing so great in school this year?  It's because I'm saying a prayer before every test asking for help to remember the things that I learned because, you know, I get so nervous that I forget everything."

(Older teenage sister sits in the corner of the kitchen and rolls her eyes.)

Me:  "Wow, really?  And then what happens?"

Son:  "Well, I sit for a minute when I get stuck on a problem and after I pray something helps me to remember, like I get a little hint and then I work on that hint and it helps me to figure out the answer!  I still have to work, but I get just the help that I need!  It took a bunch of times for it to start working, but I'm finally figuring out how to pay attention to that help!"

Me:  "That's great!  I'm so happy that you decided to put that concept to the test and that you're seeing results."

Son:  "Yeah, I realized that it's the Spirit helping me and that it comes in such a soft feeling.  I need to remember to say thank you to Heavenly Father in my prayers tonight.  That would probably be a good thing to do."

Whoa! Stop the presses, people!  Can we get a recording of this conversation? What we've just observed here is a 12 year old boy who has discovered that if he prays with faith, that God will listen and that if he then pays attention, he'll receive guidance.  All I could think of at that moment was how different my life experience would have been in my younger days had I figured out this process out at the age of 12.  Kinda mind-blowing, right?

To his experience I replied, "well, if that's the only thing that you learn all year, then it's all that matters.  It's enough."  Of course at this point he's thrilled because all that he "heard" is "you don't have to learn anything else for the rest of year."

Nice try kiddo, but I do marvel at what a year's time has produced in this child.  

Exactly one year ago, we were in the thick of diving into a then unknown and terrifying (for me) world called "homeschooling"--one in which I was essentially proclaiming to the world that I was taking full responsibility for educating my children and could provide better/differently than a school system filled with experts on everything from mathematics to child development.

It was a year filled with worry, hope, and many, many long and tiring days.  There were times that had my husband not been working from home full-time, giving him the opportunity to intervene when things got really rough, I would have most definitely given up. Those kids would have ended up on the front door of their respective schools with a "do not return to sender" stamped square in the middle of their foreheads.

But what got us through--the one thing that saved us--was the knowledge that this process was exactly what a wise Father in Heaven knew needed to take place over the last year.  How did I know this?  What gave me the guts to do something that for us was so very drastic?  Well, I'll tell you.  It's a thing called personal revelation, also known as promptings, a spiritual nudge, motherly intuition, a gut feeling, etc.  It was a direct answer to prayer and it was my job to act on it.

Learning to recognize and act on that inspiration, no matter how off the wall it may sound or feel at times, is the most important thing that I could ever hope to teach anyone.

It's absolutely the most important thing that I think God would have you learn today. 

So, what's the big deal with being able to seek, recognize and act on this communication from God?  Where can I even begin?  The list of how this process has blessed my life would take more time and reading than any blog reader should have to digest in one sitting.

Here's the short list of things that happen to stick out in my mind today:

-It has saved my life.

-It has helped me to save the life of others.

-It has helped me to be an expert in my life and to know when and where to seek help and reinforcements for myself and my family.

-It has given me direction as well as redirected my most geniously-neurotic well-made plans.

-It has given me insights about who I am and why I'm here and where I'm going.

-It has given me the bravery to be honest with myself.  It has given me the courage to change. 

-It has led me to a knowledge of important and universal life truths.

-It has taught me about joy.

-It started a period of profound testing and growth that included homeschooling (and then the direction to send those kids right back to public school the following year.  God bless us every one...)

-It led me to start writing this blog!

-It led to a scenario that taught a 12 year old boy how to turn his weaknesses into strengths.

What it boils down to is asking and then paying attention.  Often that heavenly help comes without even seeking it. The better I am at responding to those gentle nudges, the more that they seem to flow.  It's not complicated, but it requires practice.

Need a little help with knowing how to go about this process?  Need a little refining help with knowing when God speaks to you?  Let's talk.  There are so many resources available to teach this principle of truth in the lives of anyone and everyone.

In the meantime, get up early, read from inspired words first thing each and every morning, pray with real intent, and be ready to act on those little nudges (meaning that no matter how hard, simple, weird, or uncomfortable the answer may be, you'll go and do it).  Practice makes perfect.

So, if that's all that you learn to do today, then it's enough because every great and necessary thing in life tends to come from having learned to live this simple pattern.

Until next time!

~Arianna



 

Perfectly Imperfect

Meet my dream barn (*swoon*).  It's a real, live, living, breathing, local "resident" that I'm lucky enough to often drive, run, or cycle by since it's a mere 4 miles from my home. I've been head over heels in love with this barn from the moment that I laid eyes on it nearly 5 years ago.  Deep emerald woods create the perfect backdrop for grassy pastures that surround this white beauty.

There's something so soothing about this place--it has an almost magical and ethereal quality for me.  Time seems to slow down as I imagine myself swinging from an old rope into a pile of hay bales somewhere within its walls.  It echoes of a simpler time and place.  It draws me in, almost wishing to tell me its stories and I try to stop and really listen each time.

I embrace the idea that something possibly construed as worn, in need of repairs, and less than perfect can, in fact, be beautiful; truly beautiful because of imperfections and more importantly, loved for them and not despite them.

If you were to walk into this field with me, together upon a closer examination, we'd see that "my" barn has lots of peeling paint, rusty nails that protrude from each board, and a host of other structural and cosmetic imperfections, but combined, they are what give it its character and charm.

It's perfectly imperfect.

If it were brand new, it would not draw me in, in quite the same way.  It's got charm.  It's history and story are part of the attraction and in order for this barn in the field to have those qualities, it has had to be exposed to extremes in weather, undergone years of use from the burden of storing hay, and perhaps inadvertently become a refuge for the local field mice and sparrows.  As I reflect upon this barn, I recognize the same elements alive and well in each of us.

We, too, are perfectly imperfect.

We each have experienced the weathering of life that has and continues to shape us. Perhaps we see ourselves a little broken from the burdens of life, or less than shiny and new from a life of use.  Maybe at times it feels like we were never quite put together well enough in the first place.

But it's those very things that make me take notice and draw me into the lives of others.  I am endlessly fascinated by the personal life stories rich with the who, what, where, why, and how of experiences and their effects upon each of us. 

But what's interesting is in just how much we struggle with having those imperfections.  We throw a proverbial blanket over them or scoot them under the rug in order to put our best faces forward.  We become less authentic along the way, painstakingly trying to create someone that we hope others might like more than what we perceive ourselves to be.  Ironically, we inadvertently keep others away with our pretense of a charmed life filled with perfect days and perfect ways.

That leaves only one other choice and that is to learn to love ourselves like I love this old barn.

I made a comment in church yesterday that I wonder if a good portion of the women listening truly heard.  In a discussion on learning to accept the differences of others while standing for virtue, it seemed important to point out that the way we often treat others is a reflection/extension of how we treat ourselves.  How often do we catch ourselves silently (or not so silently) criticizing the actions of others?  Could our hard judgments on others merely be evidence of just how hard we are on ourselves?  Could that bad habit of pointing out the faults of others be a red flag of our own personal insecurities?  The answer is a hard to swallow yes! 

Ouch, right?

"Kindness to self and to others is really the same thing.  And the capacity for one determines the capacity for both," states Dr. Robert Holden, a happiness researcher.  It is acceptance without resignation.  It is gentleness when mistakes are made while still pursuing betterment.

Love thy neighbor as thyself.  In order to fulfill this call from the only perfect being who ever lived, we must first learn to love and accept ourselves, imperfections and all, so that we may more readily be able to do so towards the less than perfect folk that cross our paths.

As you start to learn to see how wonderful you are, how perfectly imperfect and full of unique character you hold, you'll more readily be able to see it through that perspective in those around you.

(And maybe in the occasional country barn too.)

Until next time, off on another adventure!

~Arianna

Lead Me, Guide Me

Mt. St. Helens looking from the south into the crater/blast zone.

This past month, a group of us hiked to the top of Mt. St. Helens. Yup, an active volcano with one heck of a RECENT explosive history. I love being able to see this Beauty from our home and taking visitors to meet her face to face.

The hiking crew.

On this particular venture up the mountain, I recognized something profound.  Another life lesson hit me square between the eyes that day.  It has stayed with me for weeks and I'd like to share that insight with all of you.  After all, hopefully by now you know that I'm a sucker for a great analogy--especially those found in the great outdoors.

After a few miles of hiking on a clearly defined and lushly wooded trail up the mountain, one begins to ascend a challenging climb up, over, and through the rocky scramble partially pictured below.  This obvious path soon disappears and all that seems left to guide the hiker at this point is an occasional glimpse of the snow-dotted ridge line at the top.  At this point, there's no one way or right way up the mountain and the possibilities for self-chosen routes are endless.

An easy to follow trail through the woods gives way to a long, rocky scramble that reads like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book.

What one does find, though, is the occasional wooden post about six to seven feet in height jutting out of the boulders.  On the hike up, the markers can be hard to detect at times.  It requires a bit of faith in moving forward in the right general direction and then making your own moment by moment choices based on what you can see coming at you in the immediate future.

                                     

 

Photo Credit

When one of these trail markers becomes visible, a course correction is sometimes in order to become better aligned with the general path.  Other times, the way that you've chosen has taken you quite close to the marker enabling a better view of the next one to aim for as you continue to make your way.  And no matter how great a path you've chosen, no matter how many people seem to have gone that way before (based on dusty boot prints), visual confirmation often doesn't come until you're practically staring that marker right in the face.

The most fascinating realization was in being able to look back down the mountain and clearly seeing all of those markers.  The correct path to take looked so obvious when looking down from such a vantage point.  How could I have second guessed myself so often as to whether I was really taking the best route?  It seems as if I had been on it all along with those wooden posts acting as guides to reassure that I was indeed making my way up the mountain.

The view looking back.

Though I was given ample room to decide the specifics of which particular rocks I would climb, which ones I would ultimately choose to bypass, and which of the various dusty paths looked the best, those wooden staked markers consistently showed me if I was getting too off course.

These visual markers led me to consider how we are so often led in life by a loving and wise Father in Heaven.  He has laid a path out before us, yet there is much room for decision-making and a million and one different ways to approach the same mountain climb called life's journey.  No two ascents are exactly the same, but all are set out upon to hopefully reach the same final destination.  

God does not always provide a step-by-step set of directions, but rather gives a set of parameters with guiding posts along the way, allowing for us to use our agency to the best of our ability in any given situation. That can sometimes be a scary thing, right?  How often do we find ourselves wanting constant hand-holding from heaven, clinging to the desire of wanting to do everything just right, fearing mistakes and  loss of control over unforeseeable outcomes! 

What I find key here is that God leads rather manages us.  To learn the difference, read this quick description that is applicable not only to the workplace, but to all situations in life: http://www.peelerassociates.com/blog/leading-versus-managing-eight-key-differences/.  

In the scriptures, the word "lead" or "led" appears in almost 400 references.  Try looking up the word "managed."  You won't find it even once.  God does not desire to manage us.  Rather, as the ultimate example of a true leader, He provides a vision, leads by example, and becomes our greatest cheerleader as we make our way along with the help of guiding posts.  

We both rely upon and act as trail markers on the path of life.

Blame it on the Stephen R. Covey leadership book that I finished over the summer (The 8th Habit, read it!) or perhaps the many situations this past year that have left me to consider that we're on to something important here.  When we are led rather than given specifics for every situation, creativity abounds, self-esteem and confidence grows, and the ability to become more like our Father in Heaven begins to emerge.

What I have found is that just as with young children or an apprentice to a new skill, managing, directing, and specific guiding occurs, when necessary, to set a firm foundation of knowledge.  As the learner begins to grow and develop,  the greatest opportunity for development and understanding comes when we are allowed to choose based on previous learning and practice rather than indefinitely following directions.  The result is wisdom.

So, what does this mean for you?

It means that sometimes, when faced with decisions, the answers don't come no matter how hard it seems that you're praying.  God has not abandoned you.  You are not unlovable.  You are not forgotten.  

Rather, you are loved enough to be allowed to learn by choosing and loved enough to have guiding markers placed specific to your life that will offer course corrections when needed.  Have faith that confirming guidance will come when necessary.  

It also means that in the various places in which we are called to lead and influence, choose leading rather than managing.  Yes, families, work groups, church places, or any other circle of influence do require patient teaching and specific instruction, but ultimately, the most effective and loving authoritative act is found in leading as our Father does. 

So, this week let the micro-managing take a back seat and choose to lead as our Father does and courageously trust in Him when He leads you in such a way along your path up the mountain of life.

Until next time!

~Arianna

Physical Climbs, Spiritual Mountains

Once upon a time in a less industrialized world, we worked hard for everything that we had.  Physical toil and labor were the only means to have or do anything.  You're hungry?  Go grow a garden and milk the cows.  You're thirsty? Go walk down to the creek and haul back enough water to last a short part of your day. You want a new outfit?  It may take a good long while for you to not only weave the fabric, but to then sew it together in a pleasing manner.

 

Photo Credit

I am fortunate to say that I have lived a life of modern ease and convenience.  I've been able to open the refrigerator and find food, water seems to magically always be available out of the faucet coming from some unknown location, and pretty much every material need/want that I have is available to me, just a short car drive away.  But really, is it a fortunate thing, in the scheme of things, to have it so easy?  What experiences and learning are we missing by not having to work hard and truly challenge ourselves?  If Cinderella had skipped out on the hard times, would she have been as appreciative of the good things that came to her later in life?

Cinderella's hard work helped inoculate her from a bad case of entitlement.

Basic existence at one time was tedious work (and still is for many around the world).  Hard work.  Taxing work.  But this requirement to sweat for our daily bread was a blessing in the long run.  Besides callouses, physical work helped develop personal integrity, gratitude, endurance, and patience--things that we seem to be losing as a general population these days.

Over the past 5+ years, I've noticed a sharp increase in numbers of folks participating in physically challenging events such as running races, triathlons, and other various ways to test their nerve and mettle.  There's the Dirty Dash, Color Runs, the Tough Mudder, and so many more all requiring its participants to sweat, work, and sacrifice on purpose.  What we have here are people who are purposely choosing and PAYING to do hard things on their own volition! Is it insanity or something more?

Cyclists tackling 100 miles at our annual Couve to Coast century.

To some, it may seem like a fad--an "everyone's doing it" phenomenon or an ego booster.  Perhaps for some it may be just that initially, but those reasons, too, are evidence of a deeper desire, that I would suggest, we subconsciously have to want and need to pursue challenges.  Climbing mountains, running endless miles, and swimming across cold lakes all seem to offer a solution to that subconscious desire that our westernized bodies and minds have in craving to do hard things.

What are do we get out of electing to do these crazy things?  Here's a partial list of the wonderful, even critical fruits of this thing called labor:

-An increased sense of self-worth and confidence.  "Holy smokes, we can do HARD THINGS!"  In a world of microwaves and washing machines, truly, the hardest thing that we might physically do all day is getting out of bed at 5 a.m. to go run 6 miles.

-  Depending on the sport/event, it allows the participant to spend time enjoying God's creations.  A deep sense of gratitude for His handiwork and gifts to us emerges as we continuously spend time in nature.  I have found my most joyful and peaceful moments to be when out and about in the woods, at the beach, or in my own neighborhood as the sun comes up.

-  For most people, the most convenient time to train is in those early morning hours.  A habit of working and contemplating when things are most quiet allows for much personal reflection.  I have solved the world's problems and my own personal challenges again and again during that time! 

-  With time, training for these sorts of events creates a discipline of body and mind.  When we learn to subdue our bodies with the desires of our will, we have earned a tremendous power that seeps into all other areas of our lives.  It injects a sense of control in our lives; someplace that we can measure progress and growth.

-  Hard physical work (and time spent outdoors) is often joked about and referred to as being the cheapest form of therapy.  It is scientifically proven to reduce stress, depression, and a whole host of other mental and emotional issues.  I can vouch for it personally.

-  A sense of camaraderie is found in sharing hard experiences with one another.  A bonding occurs amongst even perfect strangers who can look to one another and say, "Wow, we just did that really hard thing.  Good job!" I've seen it happen at the top of mountains, at the end of a long cycling ride, and during 10k runs.  Having just hosted one such event, I was taken back by how dozens of individuals had just spent nearly 7 hours on a bicycle seat and at the end were all smiling and giving each other heart-felt high fives!  What an amazing sight!


And that's just a start to the many benefits.

Though there is something particular to these sorts of sporting events that make them such a powerful vehicle for growth, we are more than capable in running our own personal marathons in other ways that don't necessarily require gel shots and spandex.  We can climb mountains in many different ways and means.  What I know for sure is that the body and mind are inherently connected.  I am confident that what we do WITH and TO our physical bodies directly affects our spirits.  What happens in the physical world is often a parallel for the inner, spiritual world within each of us.  When practice hard work with our bodies, we are then also better equipping ourselves to practice hard work with our spirits, which also have a yearning to grow through doing hard things.

I love this quote from Tolstoy:

Ultimately, climbing mountains and all other challenging physical pursuits help enable our spirits to climb its own mountains.   These mountains come in the form of trials of every kind:

Loneliness
Loss
Financial distress
Fear
Abuse
Questioning and discovering truth and faith

The list is endless.  These mountains are real, but are present for one main purpose.  Take the time to watch the following video--you'll thank me.  It's powerful and speaks truth about why we all have our own spiritual Boston Marathon's to run and Alps to climb.  (The youtube link is giving several readers trouble, so give this direct link a try.)

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO!

For those of you NOT having issues with the Youtube link, it's here:

And that's why we climb mountains, people.  That's why I think that so many of us are jumping on the 5K bandwagon.  Deep inside of us, we are searching for ways to learn to work hard and gain the courage, confidence, and strength that will help us to graciously tackle life's unexpected and less orchestrated events.  From these come the growth and preparation that we need in order to grow and work where it matters most--in coming to have a perfect knowledge of Christ who modeled for each of us the art of doing hard things.  Perhaps there will even be an awesome commemorative t-shirt awarded at the end.  :)


Until next time, fellow adventurers!

~Arianna



 

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

I love having a summer birthday!  It's always sunny, which makes me happy and which also means that I can typically plan for something really great to do.  This year I chose to celebrate my day by taking my two oldest kids to the LDS temple in Portland, OR.  At age 12, church youth are welcomed within certain sections of the temple to provide service and I was eager to take our freshly minted 12 y.o. and his slightly more seasoned, older sister there with us.

Portland, OR. LDS Temple.  Stunning, right?

Let's rewind just a bit.  Remember my previous blog post about change?  Written in there somewhere, I extended to you a challenge to take while watching our church's General Conference.  The promise was that if you watched those inspired, spiritually uplifting conferences with a question (or two or three) that you really, truly, and maybe even desperately needed some guidance on, that you would be touched in some way by the words of the speakers and find your answer.

Here's a little return and report and I'll show you how my birthday, this past week, was the final culmination of a miracle and fulfillment of that challenge.

One of the questions that I had was regarding what I needed to do to continue to help my family to grow and be spiritually prepared.  The feelings and responses from the Spirit were undeniable over that Conference weekend.  I look back on my notes taken over the course of those two days in April, and in three places I found the answer.  I needed to take my older children to the temple as a family to do temple service for our deceased family members as soon as my son was old enough to go. This act would create priceless memories for my children as well as make the temple and its purpose be a building block of their faith from an early age.

"Excellent," I thought to myself.  I can totally make this happen.  All I needed was for the boy to turn 12, the husband to be free from work, and some family names of deceased relatives to take with us.  Easy, no?  Sure, unless you happen to be of Italian heritage with very little success in finding anything out about your genealogy thanks to inaccessibility to Roman-Italian records.  (If you'd like to learn more about why we take names with us to the temple, check out this link:  https://www.lds.org/topics/family-history/purpose-family-history-work?lang=eng)

For those of you that know me well, you're well acquainted with my determination and ability to make things happen.  You may also realize at this point from my blogging stories that if I feel inspired to do something and I know it's from God, I'll act on it.  I keep putting God to the test and He keeps showing up...or maybe it's the other way around.  Regardless, we're a good team.

The month of May was spent asking for help in prayer to be able to find more family names to bring with us.  June had me cramming in genealogy research sessions from home in spare minutes here and there with zero payoff.  But I was determined and knew from previous experience that if this was indeed what we needed to have happen, that things would work out.

This past Monday, just 3 days shy of our trip, I had a whopping four names to bring with us (I was aiming for ten).  Though slight progress, I was ready to resign myself to the fact that we'd miss our goal and have to take additional family names with us belonging to other church members.  At least we'd be helping someone out and still be able to fulfill the goal of getting ourselves there.

Photo Credit

Well wouldn't you know it, amidst the chaos of a family dinner that night, I had the distinct impression to get back online and start looking through some of the family names recorded online from previous temple trips.  As I did, one particular name stuck in my mind.  As I looked up her information, I discovered that there had been an error in the program for the website that I was using and that this individual's  personal information was recorded online, but had never been taken to the temple.  Hooray!  We were now up to five names.  Half-way there.

A few more minutes spent digging around in old paperwork that I had looked at a good 100+ times over the years produced two more family names.  Could it be?  I had combed over those records repeatedly over the years.  REPEATEDLY!  Two names were there that I had never noticed before.  We were now up to 7 names and as close to ten as we'd get by Thursday morning.  If any of you reading this have ever struggled in doing genealogy, you'll appreciate how exciting this was and truly, how miraculous these finds were for me/us.

But if you think that's pretty fabulous, then you'll love this.  The folks that schedule the appointments at the temple had sent me an email several weeks earlier to confirm our appointment time.  I had understood 7:45 P.M. and after yet ANOTHER spiritual nudging, I looked that email up the night before our date only to discover that it was 7:45 A.M.  Yep, had I not checked, we would have gotten there at night and completely missed our appointment.  The temple closes for annual cleaning for the following three weeks.  We would have missed our chance to go due to a last family trip planned at the end of August and school right on its heels.  A little miracle.  My husband had coincidentally taken the day off for my birthday, so we were able to get kids out of bed at 6 a.m and be on our way.

Happy Birthday to ME!

So, we made it.  We went to the temple as a family (minus the youngest).  We had our own deceased family names to bring with us whose temple work we performed in the temple that morning.  My oldest beamed and the little man clearly felt something special was going on around him there that day.  Mission accomplished or really, just started.  This is the start to something really grand for them and for us.  The temple holds so much significance for me.  It truly is a house of God; a place where I have had prayers answered and God's will revealed in my life.  I'm so grateful.  I may even have shed a tear or two.  Afterall, it was my party...and I can cry if I want to. :)

Until next time!

~Arianna

The Hills Are Alive!

It seems that ever since my last post complete with pics of scenic Alpine views, many of you have had the same urge as I've had to go running through mountain meadows belting out songs from the The Sound of Music.  Well folks, just a few weeks ago I had the opportunity to check off another hike from my bucket list and this particular hike provided a good warm-up to fulfilling that wish.  It also gave way for some great life metaphors that so often come with mountain climbing and hiking, so I'm happy to share both with you.

 

Meet Dog Mountain.  This quintessential hike in the Columbia River Gorge is 7.5 miles long and is known for it's unparalleled views and butt-kicking uphill climbs.  My go-to adventure team comprising of my good friend, her older children along with mine, decided to make it our official first day of summer celebration. (Sleeping in is for sissies though the brood reconsidered about half-way up the trail.)  Here are a few of the thoughts that I had while hiking.

1. Everything is better when shared with a friend.

Or in their case, misery loves company.  Despite the unexpected rain and biting wind encountered all the way to the top, being together was a motivator and a happy distraction. 

How true for our adventures in life as well.  The lowest lows are made more tolerable with friends by your side and the highest highs are that much more satisfying when shared with others.

Put yourself out there and risk opening yourself to deep friendships.

Cooper matching his surroundings.

2.  In the thick of things, you may lose sight of the top, but until it comes into view again, don't forget to stop and smell the roses.

We purposely chose this hike for the amazing views that it promised and for the satisfaction that our children would get from seeing just how high they could climb.  The fog that enshrouded the mountain that morning completely obscured the view.  Completely.  We came to terms with the disappointment and did our best to take notice of the things around us that we could see: those details right in front of us that may have been missed had we been able to look down into the open expanse of the gorge.

Wildflowers bloom in one huge, lush carpet on that mountain side.  We took stock of each hue along the way instead of focusing on all that we could not see.  So do yourself a favor, when you lose sight of your goal or dream and life seems to be a thick fog around you, stop and smell the roses.  Focus on the good that is around you.  There are always good things to be found.  Always.

When the going gets tough, sometimes you just want to lie down.

3.  Never, never, never give up!

The younger crew had a few rough moments, I won't lie.  Tears shed and lack of enthusiasm for the experience in general, started to creep in.  When we asked Max how he had liked the hike so far, he had been laying face down on this rock and gave us the "thumbs down" sign.  It was hard and cold and wet.  We felt for him, but it made the rest of us have a good laugh knowing that at some point, we would forget all about the misery and only be left with the good memories.  Sure enough, by the end of the hike and back at the car, the thumbs down was turned right-side up with smiles all around.

Never give up.  Things will eventually get better and like so many of life's challenges, a little distance under your feet is a good thing.  Several times, as the younger boys got tired, they threatened quitting.  This happened often when we were so close to the top.  If they had given up, all of their efforts would have been in vain and they would have left unhappy and unsatisfied.  Pushing through that last hard stretch took (and developed more) mental toughness that we knew would pay off in big ways later on.

How true for us in life as well.  So often we want to lie down in life's metaphorical road and give up, throw the towel in and call it quits.  The only thing this accomplishes is in making us bitter and not better.

When it's others around you who are struggling, you have two tactics to choose from to help them along--sometimes you stick right by them and cheer them on and other times you just have to go on ahead, leading by example, with hope and faith that they will eventually follow.  It works wonders with struggling hiking buddies too!

Happiness is proving to yourself that you can do hard things.

4. You can do hard things!

Yes you can, but you don't know it until you try.  You'll never feel more alive and a greater sense of satisfaction and self-confidence than when you challenge yourself.

Prepare the best that you can, gather the right tools, and surround yourself with others that will be willing to support you in your efforts and you'll be armed with everything that you need to succeed.

Doing hard things and getting outside of your comfort zone takes real raw courage, but once you've made a habit of living courageously, the sky's the limit!

The Columbia River Gorge is GORGEOUS!

5.  Time spent in holy places will help you see the big picture.

I love how in cultures and religions the world over, mountains are equated to holy places.  In the mountains, you're away from worldly distractions.  You are face to face with God's creations.  You are high enough that once at the top, you can look back and see the big picture.

This gorgeous scene, as with our lives, is comprised of challenging territories. When looked upon from a higher vantage point which requires a higher spiritual perspective when it comes to daily living--those hard climbs, slippery slopes, thorny brush encounters that took most of our focus while hiking up, fade away as we summit and look back to see the beautiful tapestry below.  Find those holy places and keep climbing.  Those views are worth it.  (And wouldn't ya know it, but as we turned around to go back down the mountain, this scene literally appeared before us.  The fog blew away within seconds!!)

My own little piece of Switzerland here in WA.

6.  Dream big and then recognize when those dreams are coming true in unexpected ways.

I love the mountains and would love to see the Swiss Alps someday. That dream was inadvertently renewed while hunting for photos for my previous post.  When I came upon this scene while on our hike, I realized that my dream was already being fulfilled.  Doesn't this picture scream "Sound of Music?"  I sure thought so and I didn't even have to travel far to see it! 

God is good and generous with helping us to fulfill wants and dreams.  Sometimes they just don't come packaged and delivered in the ways and timing that we planned or expected.  (And that's not to say that I won't ever see the Alps!)  The bigger blessings come more readily when we practice recognizing the smaller ways in which He does already give us views of our "Alps."

Good friends+good memories=happy people

7. Make memories together.

How much easier would it have been for me and my friend to have done this hike solo last week?  Taking the family takes extra work and often some extra patience.  But...taking the time to plan and make purposeful memories is what drives us in our roles as moms.

It's during these times that we can share those things that matter most to us with our family.  It's where they can see us really happy and joyful.  It allows for sneaking in teaching moments that they would otherwise roll eyes and zone out in.

It's a time for creating a legacy for them to remember you by.  Memory-making is creating a life and not just passively experiencing it. Make plans, take pictures and then take the time to relive those memories.  It's all three components that create the best adventures!  So get out there and make it happen whatever it is that really matters to you.  And if you happen to be hanging out in the Alps someday, be looking for me because I'd love to go skipping with you hand in hand belting out, "The hills are alive..."

See you at the next adventure!

~Arianna

A Mountain Walk

This past weekend I had a chance occasion to visit with a young friend of mine whom I've had the  pleasure of watching grow from an intelligent 11-year-old boy into a 20-something-year-old deeply philosophical and debonair young man.  As we visited and we discussed his life's journey over the last 4 years, and mine from over the last almost 40, I was reminded of a favorite analogy from author C.S. Lewis.  I shared it with him hoping that he could see his own life and experiences thus far paralleling Lewis' analogy about life and destinations.

In the book, The Four Loves, Lewis proposes that in this life we are in effect on a mountain walk back to the village which is our home.  He states:

"At mid-day we come to the top of a cliff where we are, in space, very near it because it is just below us.  We could drop a stone into it.  But as we are no cragsmen we can't get down.  We must go a long way around; five miles maybe.  At many points during that detour we shall, statically, be farther from the village than we were when we sat above the cliff.  But only statically. In terms of progress we shall be far "nearer" our baths and teas."

Did you see it in your mind?  Did you picture yourself peering out over that cliff, viewing your charming hamlet below?  If you were an expert rock climber with gear, you could be there in a heartbeat in the town where your hoped for comforts and dreams await you.  But you don't and you are not able to, so you must take the path marked instead and it will take several miles of unknown road for you to travel to get there; 5 miles maybe.  Possibly 50.  Some days it might feel like 500.

Your mountain home awaits you!

Lewis' analogy reminds us that on this particular mountain walk, making our way "home" is rarely achieved, if ever, via a short, direct path or trail.  It's more often winding, unexpectedly hilly, and inherently longer than we'd like.  The walk towards home will often feel like it's taking us further away from what seems like the more logical direction to arrive "home," but the signs and markers along the way say otherwise.  We might even ask like an impatient child, "Are we there yet?"

Though the "detour" seems to take us farther away from our goal, it in fact is taking us exactly where we wanted to be all along.  We are closer to "home" while walking the path than we ever were up on the cliff looking down at the prize below.

I like to think of all of the many applications and lessons from the wisdom of Lewis' life analogy.  It makes me think of things longed for, hopes and dreams wished for, desired life experiences packed up and away high on a shelf to be enjoyed at a later date when the time is right.  A bigger world view might even be that this analogy is our life's journey walking back towards being in full fellowship with our Father in Heaven.

The beauty of the "mountain walk" is that those extra 5 miles often brings us through hidden mountain meadows, along babbling brooks, giving us views of vistas otherwise obscured across craggy mountain ranges that we would have otherwise missed had our path been straighter, shorter, and to our liking.  Think of all that would have been missed on our way "home."  

What hidden mountain meadows will you find on your way home?

Take a moment this week to notice your own mountain walks.  What hidden beauties have you unexpectedly stumbled upon on your way towards wherever you call "home?"  What or whom would you have missed if the longer path had been removed and you could have simply and easily climbed down to your end goal? 

Strive to see the beauty in the "detour" until you can see that you're finally coming home.

Until next time,

Arianna

Stuffing Is For Turkeys and A Truth About Feelings

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I've had this really bad habit that I've wanted to break free from for years.  You may recognize it in your life as well.  I call it emotional stuffing.  Here's the recipe--no turkey required:

Take one full serving of any of one of those feelings that make you feel vulnerable. My emotions of choice are frustration, fear of disapproval, or hurt.  Feel free to add any of your own choosing--disappointment, grief, self-loathing, or anger work as well.  FYI, they typically all stem from fear.  (Check out this article for a more in-depth explanation.)

Now take that big heaping pile of an unpleasant and uncomfortable feeling and you stuff it.  That's right.  Push it way down deep inside never to be seen or heard from again.

That's it!  Simple, right?

Please be aware that there is one unfortunate side effect to stuffing.  There's some guaranteed heartburn when those feelings don't get dealt with. They eventually have the audacity to show up down the road at the most inappropriate times, uninvited and having grown exponentially in size making even your 401K, with the most aggressive rate of return, horribly jealous.

It seems obvious enough that we should deal with our feelings, but let's be real, even the best of us fall victim to stuffing. 

I've spent a lot of time pondering how to overcome this bad habit.  Confrontations are pretty much my least favorite thing to do in the entire world and it's been endlessly frustrating because in order to overcome my "stuff it" feelings, they require honest communications with others that leave me vulnerable to feeling more of what I'm trying to avoid.

Yep, it's a conundrum.  But since I've learned that I can do hard things (and you can too), I decided once and for all one day that I was ready.  Bring on the change!  I prayed with real intent that I could quit the stuffing and start talking and addressing what needed to be said.  I had no problem standing up for others or for values, but when it came to direct hurt, it was always easier for me to let it go and sweep it under the rug only to find some of those quietly kept feelings simmering and stewing.

Prayer is a funny thing in that it actually works.  Yup, it does, so as I mentioned here, here, and here, if you truly seek change for anything in your life--anything--hold on tight to your bootstraps because you'll get just what you've asked for and often in the least expected of ways.

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Around the same time that I had made this commitment to myself to overcome the stuffing process, I received a letter from a dear friend.  This letter was his gracious and valuable effort in letting me know that something that I had said and how I had said it had caused him pain.  Though my intentions in my eyes made perfect sense, it hadn't come across in the way that it was intended.  It had left him hurting at a time when he was already dealing with other difficulties.

I grieved and groveled and with that same initial graciousness, he readily accepted my apology and our friendship was reconciled.  Instead of that experience being an embarrassing situation, it was a gift for me because it exhibited a pattern that I had needed to learn and had craved in my life.  I wanted to be able to mirror his ability to say, "Hey! You need to know that what you did/said hurt me or was not okay" and then be able to move forward.  No stuffing--just open and willing to face those vulnerable feelings and do so with grace. I'm always amazed at how God can bring us just what we need.

Fast forward through the last year of my life and if you were a fly on the wall, you'd witness a subtle pattern of endless situations that have offered opportunities to voice uncomfortable feelings and to put graciousness into practice.  That Refiner's fire has been at it again.  And though I've got a long way to go before I'm completely comfortable with this revised recipe for dealing with difficult feelings,  I've started to save the stuffing for Thanksgiving Day dinner.  I'm feeling lighter already.

See you at the next adventure!

~Arianna

Beyond the Status Quo of Motherhood

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Hallmark would be proud.  This Mother's Day, a store-bought card was truly the most profound portion of the entire day.  In it, pastel pink printed flowers delicately framed a prewritten message expressing love and appreciation.  The most significant part was that it didn't even come from a family member.  Nope, not from the kids that technically qualify me to be in the "mother" category, but rather, from a young friend who due to the hardships of life, faces the rest of her life without her own mother.

In reality, I've done nothing extraordinary for this girl--nothing that I don't already do for my own kids or for others.  I've included her in our family meals, supported her at sporting events, asked her about her day, invited her to attend church, laughed at her jokes, listened to her secrets, prayed for her during hard times, and told her that I loved her.  Nothing earth-shattering.  Nothing deserving of a Nobel Peace prize or the focus of some future documentary.  Just plain old everyday living and doing and yet to her this has meant everything. 

It might be the biggest and best kept secret of any holiday, even bigger than the truth about Santa Claus, but the fact is that many, many women loathe, hate, and even avoid Mother's Day like the plague.  I have known women who choose not to attend church on that day to further avoid the reminder.  The reasons vary.  Here's a link to an insightful view as to why:  "A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother's Day."

Sorry fellas, it's true. The one day that has been designated as the day that you get to show the women in your life some validation actually brings on a whole lot of bitterness and resentment for a good portion of them.  What can I say?  We're a complicated bunch because those same heightened sensitivities and emotions that allow us to do all of the amazing things that we do often times makes us, well...sensitive.

I just see it as another one of Satan's tactics to try to reduce the influence that women are meant to have in this world.  If he can get us to doubt ourselves, our purposes, our sense of satisfaction and progress in this life, then he can keep us right where he wants us: A calculated and frustrating place that makes us feel that we are somehow less than others, insecure in our abilities, and unhappy with our circumstances when they don't fit an expectation. 

But the redeeming and joyful lesson to be learned in all of this is the lesson that is so often overlooked and undervalued.  Though a mother is technically born when a child comes into the world and makes the woman a mother, in reality, a mother is born the moment a baby girl comes into the world bringing all the characteristics and abilities that are innate with being female.

Some of the very best mothers that I know have never been in labor or experienced motherhood in the traditional sense. These women, young adults, and young women are mothers in the way they care for others, encourage those in their path, and sacrifice in order to help others.  Motherhood is not about experiencing labor or other mortal mothering acts.  Yes, it most definitely is a way that God has designed for many of us to embark on the journey of developing our mothering abilities, but it's not the only way that God had in mind.  And sure, easy for me to say since I've had the traditional motherhood route thus far in my life, but I know that what I feel is true.

I saw this floating around on Facebook the other day.  The first thought that came was how this sums up the essence of what parenthood should feel like on a good day and the beauty is that you don't need to have children to experience this.  I recently felt this in the organizing of an event that brought together several people and businesses from the community for a political launch.  The joy that came from seeing so many people sharing and doing what they do best and to be able to spotlight them and their talents was so, so satisfying.  To be able to give a few of them a leg up and have more visibility in their professions was enormously joyful. I was being a mother.  I was helping others, serving needs, and seeing the good in others and helping them on their path.

So women, the phrase, "you are ALL mothers," however annoying, painful, or ever so trite to hear is absolutely true. The most meaningful mothering that I've felt or given has been in receiving or doing what comes naturally to a woman.  Go on feeding your friends, reaching out to those in need, and showering the lonely with love.  It's what women do best.  It's called motherhood and you'll find the joy that Mr. Zig Ziglar explained when you can begin to define your nature, regardless of your status quo, as that of a mother.

With love to all those who mother the people in their lives,

~Arianna