Beyond the Status Quo of Motherhood

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Hallmark would be proud.  This Mother's Day, a store-bought card was truly the most profound portion of the entire day.  In it, pastel pink printed flowers delicately framed a prewritten message expressing love and appreciation.  The most significant part was that it didn't even come from a family member.  Nope, not from the kids that technically qualify me to be in the "mother" category, but rather, from a young friend who due to the hardships of life, faces the rest of her life without her own mother.

In reality, I've done nothing extraordinary for this girl--nothing that I don't already do for my own kids or for others.  I've included her in our family meals, supported her at sporting events, asked her about her day, invited her to attend church, laughed at her jokes, listened to her secrets, prayed for her during hard times, and told her that I loved her.  Nothing earth-shattering.  Nothing deserving of a Nobel Peace prize or the focus of some future documentary.  Just plain old everyday living and doing and yet to her this has meant everything. 

It might be the biggest and best kept secret of any holiday, even bigger than the truth about Santa Claus, but the fact is that many, many women loathe, hate, and even avoid Mother's Day like the plague.  I have known women who choose not to attend church on that day to further avoid the reminder.  The reasons vary.  Here's a link to an insightful view as to why:  "A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother's Day."

Sorry fellas, it's true. The one day that has been designated as the day that you get to show the women in your life some validation actually brings on a whole lot of bitterness and resentment for a good portion of them.  What can I say?  We're a complicated bunch because those same heightened sensitivities and emotions that allow us to do all of the amazing things that we do often times makes us, well...sensitive.

I just see it as another one of Satan's tactics to try to reduce the influence that women are meant to have in this world.  If he can get us to doubt ourselves, our purposes, our sense of satisfaction and progress in this life, then he can keep us right where he wants us: A calculated and frustrating place that makes us feel that we are somehow less than others, insecure in our abilities, and unhappy with our circumstances when they don't fit an expectation. 

But the redeeming and joyful lesson to be learned in all of this is the lesson that is so often overlooked and undervalued.  Though a mother is technically born when a child comes into the world and makes the woman a mother, in reality, a mother is born the moment a baby girl comes into the world bringing all the characteristics and abilities that are innate with being female.

Some of the very best mothers that I know have never been in labor or experienced motherhood in the traditional sense. These women, young adults, and young women are mothers in the way they care for others, encourage those in their path, and sacrifice in order to help others.  Motherhood is not about experiencing labor or other mortal mothering acts.  Yes, it most definitely is a way that God has designed for many of us to embark on the journey of developing our mothering abilities, but it's not the only way that God had in mind.  And sure, easy for me to say since I've had the traditional motherhood route thus far in my life, but I know that what I feel is true.

I saw this floating around on Facebook the other day.  The first thought that came was how this sums up the essence of what parenthood should feel like on a good day and the beauty is that you don't need to have children to experience this.  I recently felt this in the organizing of an event that brought together several people and businesses from the community for a political launch.  The joy that came from seeing so many people sharing and doing what they do best and to be able to spotlight them and their talents was so, so satisfying.  To be able to give a few of them a leg up and have more visibility in their professions was enormously joyful. I was being a mother.  I was helping others, serving needs, and seeing the good in others and helping them on their path.

So women, the phrase, "you are ALL mothers," however annoying, painful, or ever so trite to hear is absolutely true. The most meaningful mothering that I've felt or given has been in receiving or doing what comes naturally to a woman.  Go on feeding your friends, reaching out to those in need, and showering the lonely with love.  It's what women do best.  It's called motherhood and you'll find the joy that Mr. Zig Ziglar explained when you can begin to define your nature, regardless of your status quo, as that of a mother.

With love to all those who mother the people in their lives,

~Arianna

What Glue Holds You Together?

Hello dear readers, I’ve missed you!

I’ve had a rough week and a half and have been in a royally bad mood.  Yep, it’s true.  Even the dog knew to steer clear and she’s usually only aware of things that involve food or her leash.

  

I had a doozy of a hard case of grumpy-itis.  Start with a generally challenging year, throw in a good dose of endlessly exhausting fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants learning curves in several areas, top it off with a heavy sprinkling of disappointments (Hawaii, you are NOT on my “nice” list right now) and I’m pretty sure that I hit some kind of a wall.  The wall not only stopped me, but I fell flat on my back, and just stared up at some metaphorical ceiling for the last several days.

 

What do YOU do when that happens? 

Well, I went on strike, doing the absolute minimum for the last week and a half. (We were late to lots of things, meals were hardly called food—did we even eat?  I think so. But honestly, I have no idea if anyone even bathed). 

 

I did have the pleasure of attending a conference over the weekend held for several of the local LDS congregations.  During one of those talks, the speaker mentioned that he sometimes asks his work clients the following question:

“What holds you together?”

It made me think of glue.  Life glue.  What holds you together?

I liked it.  It made me wonder how I would answer that if asked.  It had me reviewing what I did this past week that held me together even though I felt like I was on a “life strike” of sorts.

-I still got up early each morning even though the idea of hiding in bed was much more appealing.  The morning is when my best thinking happens.  It's also when inspiration seems to come the most.

-I created my little daily sanctuary in my walk-in closet (free of noise and distractions of any kind) and had my morning scripture reading (yup, right on the floor next to the pile of the less than fresh smelling shoes and laundry begging for attention).

-I forced myself to sit and pray even when no words came because I was rather busy stewing over things.

-I counted this morning and I miraculously found/made the time to attend the temple 3 times in the last 9 days—something that I didn’t expect possible until at least age 70!

“Hooray for you and so what,” you may ask.  I’m not asking for a gold star or bragging rights here.  It’s just what holds ME together.  I've shared these things a few times before.  Find a reminder here and here.

You see, I knew that no matter how dark the day or how deep the hole, those very things would be what would help me snap out of that impending blah feeling and back into a position to tackle and sort through life.  I had total confidence in those forms of "life glue" because they are tied to the very source that holds me together on an even larger scale, but that's the topic for another day.

So when you're feeling like this: 

...consider what you're using for your glue.

Until next time!

 ~Arianna

This Is My Jam and I Am His Daughter

This is my jam and we're not talking the strawberry or raspberry variety.  In urban kid-speak, it translates to "this is my theme song/favorite song/go-to empowering song."  Listen to it, pay attention to the words, and then let's talk about it. (For those of you unable to see this on your smartphones, it's the song "I Am His Daughter" from the 2010 EFY.  Look it up through the link; it's beautiful.)

So, what did you think?  Awesome, right?  That piano melody chokes me up every time that I hear it and boy, I've heard this song at least 200+ times in the past year.  

It's my go-to song when I'm about to do something hard, when I'm needing a little extra pep in my step, or when I'm about to walk into a challenging situation and need to feel like a super hero.  This song does all of that for me every single time.  We all need a song like that, don't you think?

I had a bittersweet experience yesterday as I walked down the hall with a few of the young women that I've been teaching at church and had to part ways to go and teach the adult Sunday School class that I've been asked to lead.  I LOVE those girls and I have LOVED teaching that group for the past two years.  There's no place that I'd rather be church calling-wise than with the youth.  Their optimism, sweetness, and eagerness to learn is renewing.

If I could give them one parting gift, it would be this song and the power that those words and music have provided to me.  I want them to come to know what real beauty is and what it's not.  I see it in them when I see them share with courage the thoughts and uncertainties in their hearts.  I see beauty when they discover for themselves that their Father in Heaven knows them and loves them and how eager they are to share that knowledge with others.  I recognize it in them when they feel the joy that comes from making others feel loved and included.  

This is beauty and I don't want them for one second to be confused by the world's shallow standards. 

Just a few of the lovelies.

I had the opportunity to sit at a high profile political dinner over the weekend courtesy of my new and unexpected dive into state politics.  The room was filled with those eager to see and be seen, those who felt powerful and those who craved a greater portion of it.  It was a room filled with people who were mostly good and yet looking for someone strong to lead them. 

What I was left feeling was how, despite the big and important names and ideas filling the room, it all paled in comparison to how filled we become, how self-assured we can be when we come to see ourselves in even just the tiniest way that our Father in Heaven sees us.  I have witnessed infinitely more power in a small church class room filled with growing testimonies of the Savior and would take that any day over rubbing shoulders with the Politicos.

I played this song on the way home after that dinner.  It was the reminder that I was grateful for, that my ability to love, to nurture, to lead, and to teach has changed lives for the better even without the title and kudos that the world tells me that I need in order to do the most good.

It's all possible because I am His daughter.

Until next time...off on another adventure!

~Arianna

CH-Ch-Ch-Changes!

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How true is this quote?!  I've had the recent experience of having a change in my church volunteer service assignment (or church "calling" in LDS lingo).  I was teaching the teenage girls, ages 12-13,  at church and have now been asked to teach the adults in Sunday School instead.  Apparently the "third time's the charm" rule holds true.  I just finished my third round of working with that specific youth age group and am now returning for the third time to teach the adult Sunday School class.  As I look back, I can only see how far I've come, and for everyone's sake, I am so grateful.  Let's take a look down memory lane, shall we?  The same holds true for both church assignments.

Round 1:

Newly wed.  Terrified and feeling horribly incapable.  A good dose of wobbly knees and shaky utterances that I am too mortified to even want to remember in great detail.  I may have even made myself so sick with nerves that occassionaly I had to get a substitute or call in "sick."  It was pretty ugly.  Let's not dig that far back.

Round 2:

More confident, but still asking God, "Seriously?  Do you think this is funny?  I"m not laughing."  But instead of being so nervous that I would have rather wished a sudden death, I trustingly took the assignment head on and breathed a sigh of relief as each class time came to a close.  Not nearly as traumatic, but still cursing myself for feeling so ill at ease at being in front of a group and leading a discussion and hating that my emotions would find themselves rising to the surface.  Where's the dignity, I ask you?

Round 3:

Finding myself excited.  Brainstorming all kinds of different teaching approaches.  Thanking Heavenly Father for another opportunity to share what is dear to me in hopes that it will lift someone else's spirit and strengthen their testimony and understanding.  Could it be?  Yes!  I LOVE teaching and look forward to the challenge. Third time's the charm and I can't believe how much I've changed and how far I've come.

Looking back isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as what you're doing is taking stock of just how far you've come.  For me, looking back, I can see this miraculous change.  It may have taken almost 40 years, but in the manner that the Colorado River changes the Arizona landscape subtely, I too have been changed by a slow, but constant force.  Change is good.

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Here are a few thoughts that have come to mind as I look at how change takes place in our lives.

1.  As I eluded to with my little shout out to my Arizona roots, the most significant changes come slow and steady.  As much as I love the ocean, its flash in the pan attempts at changing a beach or coast line with its high and low tides, has got nothing on the almost imperceptible, but staggering changes to the landscape that a river like the Colorado can have over time.

Slow and steady, but consistent changes will produce the long-lasting changes that we desire.

2.  Feel the fear and do it anyways.  Yes, a short tribute to that now decades old self-help movement.  If you keep waiting until you feel "ready" to do anything, nothing will ever happen.  Change is scary which is why we so often find ourselves feeling stuck.  It's natural for us to want to stay comfortable and familiar.  We humans are so drawn to this kind of comfort that we'll put up with all kinds of horrors and nonsense just to avoid the feelings of disonnance that come from doing something out of our norm.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.  You'll be surprised at just how much your self-worth will skyrocket by doing this one thing.

3.  Don't be afraid of the word "repentance."  Yup.  I'm sneaking in the spiritual stuff.  Like many of you, as a kid (teenager and young adult) that word instilled in me feelings of fear, guilt, and shame.  I had a hate-hate relationship with it because I didn't understand it.  All I could see was that it was a call to admit my many, many faults and weaknesses.  It felt like a sharp reminder that I had disappointed someone once again.  It isn't that at all.  From now on, when you read the word  "repent" or "repentance," replace it with the word "change" and your perpsective on just what we're being asked to do by our Father will turn from feeling like a dismall and miserable "have to" to a bright-eyed and excited "get to."

Here, let's give it a try:

(Helaman 4:15)  And it came to pass that they did repent (CHANGE), and inasmuch as they did repent (CHANGE) they did begin to prosper.

Or this one.

(Revelations 3:19)  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent(CHANGE).

See? Change is good!  So, what have you been wanting to do or try?  What quirk or personality issue do you have that you'd like to master and look back upon to see change?  What plan do you have in place to make positive changes in your life and are you implementing that plan?

I remember telling a dear friend after a church meeting sometime ago, that I felt like I was in a rut.  The problem was that I wasn't doing anything about it.  In came life to the rescue, as it often does, and created change for me since I wasn't quite sure what to do about it myself.  The last 5 years have been a time of compressed learning and growth.



This weekend there's a wonderful opportunity to get some extra guidance for change and life improvement.  For those of you unfamiliar with the happenings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, this is our semi-annual General Conference weekend.  Over the course of two days, Church leaders from around the world gather to share inspired messages to the world-wide LDS membership.  Among those speakers will be modern-day prophets and apostles.  It's an opportunity to feel an outpouring of spiritual guidance like no other.

The bishop of our congregation issued a challenge last fall as well as this past week to go to conference (whether it's in person, t.v., streamed via internet, etc.) prepared with questions in mind that we felt that we needed help answering or solving.  He witnessed that if we did so, we would find answers among the messages given, whether through the direct words of the talks or spiritual promptings that would come as we focus while watching the conference.  

I have taken this challenge in the past and have had prayers answered and direction given specific to my circumstances.  This past fall was case in point as we were just beginning to face our difficult journey with our son, his schooling, and his emotional needs.  It was from preparing through prayer and fasting over that Conference weekend in October that I received confirmation that we needed to take the course that we have taken these past 6 months.  

It was that clear direction that sustained me during some very rough, ROUGH days of delving into everything from mental health assessments to standing up to public school administration policies that did not have my son's best interest at heart.  I absolutely could NOT have done all that I have since October had I not had that peace and knowledge that came directly from my Father in Heaven.  And I can thank taking that challenge of watching General Conference with a believing and prepared heart and mind.  I also give full credit to the spiritual nudging that came over those two days that I needed to start blogging and here I am, still at it almost 6 months later.

 

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Yes, I'm going in with another set of questions, concerns, and problems to solve as I watch Conference this weekend.  I can't wait to see what comes next.  I'm ready for whatever new change needs to happen!  If you want to have your own experience with this, I invite you to watch, read, and listen to all of the sessions that will be recorded here.

Off on another adventure!

~Arianna

 



When Life Gives You Holland, Make Hollandaise--Part 2

Hello there dear readers!

Here is the second part to the "When Life Gives You Holland" post as promised.  If you missed the first installment, check here for that post.  I recapped the wonderful women's conference that I attended this past weekend in which I also happened to be a guest speaker.  It was out of town, so for all you locals, you didn't miss anything that was happening nearby (oh, but you'll wish that you had been there--it was that good!) This post and its title will make a world of more sense if you take a look back, so make a pit stop here first.

Dutch tulips in Woodburn, OR.

When we last met, I gave you a look into an inspiring event that I had the opportunity to participate in with the promise that I would share the talk that I gave.  I would have been able to fill an hour of time with all that has been rumbling around in my head on the topic of grace, but had to really limit it to what I felt inspired to share.  I absolutely loved thinking about grace in terms of how it works in our lives when we plan for "Italy," but end up in "Holland" instead.  We all make the best of plans and dream the best of dreams, but life is perfectly imperfect for a reason.  We can choose to learn and grow or find ourselves missing the point and missing the unique beauties that accompany challenging territories.

The following is the talk that I gave with a little extra that I was forced to leave out due to time, and with some slight modifications to make it blog reader-friendly. As always, thanks for reading and enjoy!  I hope that you find something that is meaningful to you.

When Life Gives You Holland

As I’ve been contemplating metaphorical trips to Holland, the scriptural phrase “weak things made strong” has settled into my mind.  If you’ve spent any time here on earth, which obviously you have because you're reading this, then you’ve probably come face to face with the disappointment and the reality that we’re surrounded by weak things: ourselves, others, and this world in general. 

Sometimes things just don’t always work out the way that we had hoped or dreamed.  We planned for Italy, but ended up in Holland or Afghanistan, for that matter.  At times it may even feel like we’ve been kicked off a speeding train only to land in the middle of Beirut with no return ticket home. Our best made plans and ideals often take a 180-degree turn when we least expect it.  But it's those "weak things" that are the very things designed to lead us back to live with our Father in Heaven.  Nobody is free from these sorts of experiences.  Nobody.

Darn it.  

So now what?

Well, I have news for you; it’s hopeful news.  Weak things are given to us to make us strong, and in the particular strength that the Savior has in mind, lie the keys to peace and happiness regardless of our current situation.  Adversity, trial, loss, hardships, or whatever you may call them, are perfectly designed to leave us totally and completely dependent for help and recovery.  That perfect storm in each of our lives is designed as a means to lead us back to God because He is the only source where those voids will ever be filled.  We often complain about the current generation being struck with a heavy dose of feelings of entitlement.  Let's take a closer look at ourselves.  Couldn't we say the same about us?  Do we recognize that we often feel entitled to an easy life free from challenges and pain?

Author C.S. Lewis, in the book The Problem of Pain, accurately describes that foolishly, what we sometimes want is NOT a loving Father in Heaven who will not be satisfied until we are made into divine works of art, but rather that we foolishly wish for a kindly, somewhat senile grandfather in heaven who simply wants us to have fun and to have a good time.  God who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him.  Yet we will not seek for permanent happiness in Him as long as He leaves us any other options of where it can be temporarily found or experienced while here on earth.

"The settled happiness and security which we all desire," Lewis reasons, "God withholds from us by the very nature of the world; but (temporary) joy, pleasure, and merriment he has scattered (abroad).  We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy.  It is not hard to see why.  The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and (become) an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bath or a football match, have no such tendency.  Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”
 

The truth is this:  We each have custom-made challenges, and their placement in our lives are given as a means for us to have no other choice but to turn to Jesus Christ to act as our Savior.  When we seek Him, we get to know Him.  When we know Him, we will follow Him.  When we follow Him, we come to love Him and then can become like Him.  In this way, His mission and our Father’s master plan is accomplished.  Weak things are given to make us strong and as the means to return to live with them.

The scriptures teach us this truth!  

In Ether 12:27 we can read about it, noting my little change in replacing the word “men” with the word “women”:
 

                 And if (wo)men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto (wo)men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all (wo)men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

So just know, that if you’re recognizing weaknesses in your life, then you’re actually on the right track.  When we can admit to our own shortcomings or recognize that we are being subjected to disappointment in one of a million ways that only this life can provide, then we can know that we’re on the path to becoming strong.  Recognizing and admitting weakness is the first step. But how many times have we mistakenly thought that relief and growth from these disappointments can only come in another lifetime or at a minimum, a long way down the road of life?   In reality, if we look at the weak things in our lives with the right perspective, we will better recognize that the Savior can and will help us right here and right now. 

It is all part of a divine plan; one in which we all agreed upon before entering this mortal life.  You may not remember it, I know that I don’t, but what I do catch glimpses of in bits and pieces is that, though perhaps a tad naively, we were once fearless and full of hope in the face of the pitfalls of life.  Can’t you just see us all now? “A broken body?  Bring it on!” “Wayward children?  I can handle this!” “Family dysfunction.  Phhfffft.  I got this one!”

That valiant hope and optimism came from the understanding that we once had, that through our brother Jesus Christ, the far-reaching doctrine of the Atonement and Grace, would compensate for our earthly trips to Holland (or Afghanistan or Beirut) that would take place here in this life.  We once had a clear vision that if all of our mortal sight-seeing trips were spent in the Italy’s of life, we would NEVER achieve the immeasurable growth that we wanted and needed.

So what about that concept of GRACE mentioned earlier in that verse in the book of Ether?  I have seen that word pop-up everywhere recently—everywhere from the 2014 LDS Youth Theme, church magazine articles, and Sunday school lessons.  I’m confident that this is a direct result of our Savior desiring that we come to understand this powerful concept. 

As the young women (girls' youth group ages 12-18) of my ward (congregation) were discussing it recently, the consensus was that grace can sometimes feel like a warm-fuzzy concept that is hard to measure or quantify.  You can’t see it, so how do you know that it’s at work in your life?  What does it have to do with weaknesses and trials?

I love this definition of grace found in the Bible dictionary:  Grace is divine help and strength that we receive through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Grace is an enabling power that strengthens us from day to day and helps us endure to the end.  It is the Savior’s rescuing help right here and right now.  

In that verse in the book of Ether, we learn that when we are humble, He can more readily apply this doctrine of grace.  I am convinced that the more acquainted we become with grace, the more we’ll recognize it in our lives, and ultimately, the more we’ll then be open to receiving more of it in our lives.

For your benefit, I put social media to work for a good purpose.  I recently conducted a Facebook survey asking for personal experiences with this divine help and strength given through grace.  It turned out to be a truly touching experience.  I’d like to share a few of the responses that were given from both men and women.  

Here’s how you and they have experienced grace:

-Grace is what has enabled me to look ahead, smile, and keep going even during times that I thought I would break. 

-Grace is miraculous recoveries, unexpected job offers from unexpected places, and people who show up to help my family just when we need help the most.

-Grace is the wonder that when I do my best, Christ will make up the difference.  It’s the whisperings of the Spirit that teach me that I can truly be perfect in him with His help, right here and right now. 

-Thanks to His grace, I have the ability to succeed at being perfect each day and never have to feel like I don't measure up or like I fail over and over, or like the commandment to be perfect is too hard. I simply have to put in my best effort. Naturally I still have to continue to grow and learn, so that I over time become better at being perfect.  And since my best effort varies from day to day, so does the measure of grace extended. The glass is always full, and thanks to that grace, I can be worthy to live in my Heavenly Father's presence each day.

-Grace is learning to love those people who have hurt you, betrayed you ... and yet you ask for forgiveness for not loving THEM and knowing He forgives you and helps you to learn to love them anyway ... and He never leaves you alone in your loneliness ... grace is knowing that as long as your heart is in the right place your 'mortal-ness' is forgiven.

-I find Grace in deciding to appreciate those around me for what is good in them and their positive qualities rather than disliking them for the small personal flaws they may exhibit.  Not everyone is made perfect but most are trying to be as good as they can. I think it is graceful to recognize this. I also believe that this is how a God would view his creations.

-Something I have learned is that just because grace exists and we will need it in order to return to our Father in Heaven doesn't mean it always comes easy. Sometimes we will still be tried and tested to our limit (or at least what we think is our limit) before we can see the act of grace in our life. We still have to prove to The Lord that we are faithful to him and will turn to and rely on him when times get tough. Then he pours out his blessings to us in the form of grace. I guess another way to put it is some things come for free by way of grace such as the resurrection. Other things we have to prove ourselves worthy of or "pay a certain price" before grace kicks in.

-Grace helps me be okay with me, accepting my imperfections, striving to be better and not trying to shape me into someone else.

The most fascinating thing occurred to me while reviewing all of these replies to may Facebook survey.  I noticed that every single person who answered, had been someone who had experienced trips to "Holland."  Abandonment, loneliness, horrific chronic illness, same gender attraction, the loss of a baby, the victim of abuse, a spouse or self, dealing with ongoing mental health issues.  We’re talking some real heavy hitters as far as hardships here.  You name it, these dear people have faced it.

These precious women and men could testify of the power of grace in their lives because they had been given weak things.  In time, they each came to look to Jesus Christ as a means for coping.  Often He was not the first means that they seeked to fill the void and take away the pain, but eventually He was and that’s when they started to better recognize grace.  It was then, through initial weakness, that they were made incredibly strong.

From this we can learn that when we seek out Jesus Christ in faith, we begin to recognize miracles.   When we’re most acquainted with Holland, we are more likely to be acquainted with the power of the Savior. 

And with the same wisdom and wonder as Eve we sometimes ask, “Is there no other way?”

No my friends;  He is the only way.

Even as the Savior, though as perfect as He was, had to live and learn and grow grace by grace (D&C 93:12-13), so will we make it, endure it, even flourish and blossom in hardships, thanks to the power of grace.

Grace is evidenced in ways that are as infinitely unique as each of our life challenges.  It's those big and small miracles that we often mistake for coincidence.  It is our Savior showing us in personal ways that He loves us, knows us, and cares for us. He walks beside us down those difficult roads that will eventually lead to a life that’s even better than the one that we would have created for ourselves.  I know this to be true as I see grace in action in my own life and as I experience my own trips to Holland.

So when life gives you Holland...well, you know the rest.

Off on another adventure!
~Arianna




 

When Life Gives You Holland, Make Hollandaise--Part 1

 Tulip season in the Northwest is almost here!

Tulips are some of my most favorite flowers and lucky me to live here in the Pacific Northwest close enough to visit some of the most beautiful flower farms in the country.  This is about as close to Holland as I've been, but I had the amazing opportunity this past weekend to go for a brief "visit" there courtesy of a women's conference in Southern Oregon. 

A dear friend of mine leads an LDS women's service organization (Relief Society) that encompasses several congregations in the Medford, OR. area. She, with other local leaders, put on an amazingly touching and profound event in which I was honored to speak on Saturday.  

The premise for the conference was based on an essay that was written by Emily Kingsley in 1987 titled "Welcome to Holland." Kingsley uses the metaphor of planning a trip to Italy and winding up in Holland instead, to describe what life is like with the unexpected experience of having a child with disabilities.  This metaphor can effectively be applied to so many of life's unexpected twists and turns!

In order to better understand the rest of this post, please take a min. to read the short essay:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this... 

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. 

It's all very exciting. 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." 

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.  The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. 

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. 

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland. 

So back to my Holland weekend.

The conference was advertised as an Italian-themed event, down to invitations printed to look like boarding passes for a flight to Italy:

My clever friend created a Facebook page promoting this "trip to Italy" event with weekly posts that shared everything from links to Andrea Bocelli music to Italian food recipes in order to get everyone in the mindset for all things Italian.  She had such a huge surprise up her sleeve because all the while the program for the day was going to be about literal and metaphorical trips to Holland.

After singing a congregational hymn in Italian and English in the chapel, followed by me giving an opening prayer in Italian, the large group of women entered into a previously closed off luncheon hall to find themselves smack in the middle of all things Dutch. The looks of confusion were everywhere as women sat down to tables decorated in Dutch blue, surrounded by Dutch art, on either side of a long grassy lane filled with handmade paper tulips that even had artificial bumble bees inside.  Attention to detail was everywhere!  Details of Holland and NOT Italy.

We were blessed to hear several speakers describe their own personal trips to "Holland." These wonderful women taught us about how they have been blessed and have grown in being given life experiences that weren't necessarily what they would have planned for themselves.  They shared wisdom learned through their difficult challenges and how their faith in Christ has flourished because of hardships.

Following a short video segment of Elder Holland's LDS General Conference talk about dealing with mental health challenges, we were given some great cultural insight into life in the real Holland by a gal who had recently spent some time there.  The Dutch people are such clever and industrious folks. And they ride bikes.  Enough said.  It was SO fun to learn about their culture!

Finally, it was my turn and my dear friend in charge gave a truly moving introduction that got my waterworks flowing even before I got up on stage.  I pulled it together and gave my best effort at rousing concluding remarks on the topic of grace.  No surprise, right?  It's become my calling card of topics lately.  I'm humbled.  I'll be posting the written form of my talk in my next blog post, though it isn't perfectly identical to what I said from the pulpit, but close enough.  I used my notes quite a bit to help me stick to my allotted time, but I know that I said things that were directed by the Spirit for that particular moment that were not originally written into my talk. I love how that happens.

We ended the day with traditional Dutch foods and treats.  What a grand accomplishment for the women who organized this day for the several hundred in attendance.  We were filled in so many ways.  Thank you, ladies!  It was an honor to be a part of such a wonderful day.

ME!

The inspired "flight" crew that took us to Holland.  I love you guys.

Off on another adventure...
 ~Arianna

Guest Post: Skinny Brain

Hello All!  I put out a call a short while back inviting you readers to submit the thoughts lurking in your brains and to put them down on paper, so-to-speak, for me to share via this blog.  I know many of you have given this some thought and I encourage you to share your wonderful ideas, learning experiences, and aha! moments with the rest of us.  Don't be shy!

Today I want to introduce you to my friend Racheal who has accepted the call and the challenge.  Racheal is one of those gals whom you'd like instantly if you had the chance to meet her.  I love the easiness about her and her subtle humor and how she mischievously smirks at her own wittiness. She also happens to have the world's most darling freckles.  She'll probably cringe at me for saying that, but it's true.

She's beautiful in endless ways and smart and has a great message to share about CHANGE (the theme for this month). I'm happy to share her with you today. While you're reading and thinking about change, take a quick gander at this fun yet powerful visual that I found last night. I can't wait to talk more with you about change.  In the meantime, enjoy...

 




Skinny Brain. 


We’ve all experienced it. We overeat during the holidays and in the shame of our extra padding around the mid-section, swear we are turning over a new leaf. Dieting. Eating healthy. Making a lifestyle change. Going on a cleanse. You pick. After a good 3 days of dieting and exercise, we start to feel good. You look in the mirror and think, “Has my jaw always been this defined?” and “Dang that butt looks good!” I dub this phenomenon Skinny Brain.

Brains are very impressionable. So I hear. Three days of dieting and it is convinced you’re an athlete. Personally, I love Skinny Brain. Love it. Mostly because I do not have to be fit to feel fit. I can feel like a marathoner while barely making it to mile 3 without dying. It’s awesome! However, skinny brain has to be accompanied by diligence in order to go beyond illusion and make real change.

Guess what? There’s a metaphor in there. What?? Yes. It’s true. Maybe it’s a simile. An analogy. Deeper meaning? Something! Here it is: My patented Skinny Brain concept also applies to our spirituality. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.

I love the scriptures. Sadly though, I do not spend as much time in them as I know I really want to. I am constantly cycling: study, study, study, and after a few days of awesome, I am feeling like a spiritual giant. Keeping goals builds self-esteem. And I get a major case of Skinny Brain. I will have a good day where I forget to read my scriptures or something comes up, but it’s ok! I still have a residual spiritual high from the day before that I’m riding. Then the next day comes and I find another excuse to not read, and before you know it, I feel awful. I miss the spirit. I have doubts and a mini-existential crisis or two. Which motivate me to restart the cycle.

But cycling gets tiring. I’m ready for some consistency. I’m making choices. Today while folding laundry during naptime, instead of turning to Netflix, I listened to a super uplifting talk. Go me. (Don’t worry; I kept the Netflix homescreen up on the TV just to make me feel better.)

Skinny Brain is hollow. And unless it’s accompanied by something much more substantial, it will fail.

It’s time to stop making excuses. Our excuses, no matter how legitimate, may make us feel better, but they will never help us become better.

I think that’s where the Savior comes in. We know He is here to help us overcome our sins, but often forget that He is also here to help us become. He is perfectly consistent. If we choose to, we can truly change through Him. We decide.

I’m committed. I’m changing. And with the help of my Savior, I can do it, one choice at a time.

~ Racheal

(If you want to get to know more about Racheal, she's invited you to visit her here.)

See?  She's awesome.