Out of the Mouth of Babes

Let me first start out with a brief, but heartfelt "THANK YOU" to every one of you readers out there (yes, even you folks in Germany, Sweden, South Korea, and China who check in regularly!  This blog has gone international.  Woohoo!).  Anyway, there are loads of reading materials to surface skim out in blog land, but for those of you that have been taking the time to stop by, how very kind of you.  Truly! 

I may not be posting earth-shattering things like "Top 10 Reasons Why You're Going to Die From GMO Foods" or "Cutest Pictures of Beer-bellied Men and Their Cats," but you're taking the time to digest my musings and your feedback both publicly, but mostly privately, has been touching and amazing.  Thank you.  Your generous response keeps me motivated to keep sharing my thoughts and stories that have taken on an unintentional spiritual direction and I'm okay with that.  We need more of it in our day.

And now back to your regularly scheduled adventure...

Out of the mouth of my wee 7 year old babe came a gem of understanding recently that has quietly put a smile on my face all week.  She has hit the very normal stage of childhood in which pretty much everything scary lives under the bed or inside of the closet.  She has absolutely despised going up to her room at night unaccompanied.  

Most nights, as the two of us kneel at her bedside, she prays for help to stop having bad dreams.  Much to her dismay, the very next day she reports that those nightmares have still come and breaths out a sigh of frustration.
  

Babe: “Mom, the nightmares won’t go away.  I keep praying, but they haven’t stopped. ”

Me:  “I’m sorry.  Keep trying.  Don’t give up.”

Repeat this conversation 5-7 days a week for endless weeks and then you get the idea.

After several weeks of her asking in prayer for her nightmares to go away, something finally changed.

As frustrated as she's been and as much as I've felt sorry for her inability to get past this, what this small childhood hardship has done is create the perfect opportunity for her to learn a very powerful lesson.

Babe:  “Mom, I didn’t have nightmares last night.” 

Me:   “Really?  Wow!  What happened?” (And then I have the nerve to have a private sidebar convo. with God in my head asking what the heck took so darn long for her to finally get some help.  I haven't been struck dead for these sorts of impatient conversations with God--not yet, but I'm sure He's kind enough to find it amusing and not so much as irritating as I would.  He is a much more patient parent than I.)

Babe:  “I was praying for my bad dreams to go away and then something told me that I should ask for help on how to deal with them instead.  So, I prayed for ideas instead and one came.  I needed to think of something happy before I fell asleep and then again if I woke up in the night and it worked!  I helped myself deal with my bad dreams.”

So profound!

This wee babe just learned that prayer isn’t necessarily a tool for automatically taking away all our troubles, but often a means for petitioning for help in coping with them.  She sweetly and trustingly relied on help from a loving Father in Heaven and did what He asked.  Her prayers were answered, though in a different way than she had initially intended, when she was willing to trust and act on what she received.

There are certainly times in which, if we ask, God will take away the hurdle.  In Wee Babe’s case, I remember a recent time in which her chronic ear infections had made it so that she was losing her word articulation and enunciation at an alarming rate (and missing a whole lot of days of school and nights of sleep).  Her speech had regressed significantly because she hadn't been able to hear well over a long period of time. Visions of having to learn sign language began dancing in my head.  I was troubled by this.
 

Like the normal mom that I am, I freaked out.  Then I took her to a pediatrician,  to a specialist, and then freaked out some more.  What finally made the difference was in recognizing this as an opportunity to bring my little family together and in unity ask God to show His stuff.  

Aren't all of life's hardships designed for this very purpose?--To help us work, grow, and then gently, and at times not so gently, remind us to rely on God?  (*Psst*  I'll let you in on a little secret.  What I just shared really IS the very reason that we have hurdles to tackle.  Take a good look at your current hard stuff.  What are you learning and who/what are you relying on to get through it?)

We prayed, fasted and sure enough, a short time later this little girl was made well and her speech and hearing improved dramatically.  Her illness and struggle became a means for strengthening our faith. 

We grew out of her small ordeal.  My oldest daughter referenced this example repeatedly last year as an example of a time when her faith had grown.  Who knew that I would have actually been grateful to have had someone that I loved go through a hard thing, but afterwards, I was!  We had actually been blessed by it!

But there are often times when we see those life hurdles to clear and God is not planning on removing them--at least not any time soon.  Nope, He’s going to let them sit there.  He may even let them grow bigger and bigger until you just plain can't see a way around them anymore.  Now what?

In the Latter-Day Saint religion, we are perceived as practicing a lot of "thou shall not's" in the form of don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, etc.  Granted science has taught us that these things are bad for our bodies, but have you ever considered just why addictions in general are bad for you?  Let's also throw in anything else that may become habitually excessive like eating, shopping, and other obsessions into the mix for a moment. You need to ask yourself why you're doing these things in the first place.  After a real honest conversation, you'll find that they are usually used as a means for coping or escaping. 

God does not want you to turn to those things as a means of coping because the whole idea of allowing life's hurdles to be there in the first place has been designed as a way of getting YOU to turn to HIM instead. 

Why do we have to become so reliant on Him?  Man, I struggled with this concept for a while to varying degrees.  I am fiercely independent and did not enjoy having to ask for help from others for a long time.  I hated it.  It made me feel weak, inadequate, and guilty.  Life turned up the heat and those hurdles kept showing up smack in the middle of my lane until I finally found ones so huge that I had no choice but to come to a complete stop. I could in no humanly way get around them on my own.

So, I ran a lot to deal with the pain. I would go as far as saying that for a time, I had a bit of a running addiction.  I admit that I also spent money that I should not have in order to have some quick pick me ups from time to time. We're not talking crazy shopping sprees and hoarding boxes upon boxes of new shoes under the bed, but just enough of a pattern that I realized it was not doing me any favors in the long run.

I also found myself sometimes absentmindedly relying on the kind words of others to help build my own self-worth (not that accepting/receiving compliments from others is bad, but when you rely on others instead of God for approval, you find yourself a prisoner of a subtle sort of addiction).

Now you know all of my dirty secrets!  The great news is that I feel like I have a good handle on those old bad habits.

The risks that come with sharing such things publicly should be enough to make me want to keep such things to myself, but I find that so many, if not all of us, need a frank and honest reminder that each of us struggles in some way.  If in sharing small bits of myself--the good, the bad, and the ugly realities--leads you to be kinder with yourself or motivated to make a good change, then I have accomplished something worthwhile here.

So, I'll ask again.  Why does He (our Father in Heaven) want us to rely on Him? Because He knows us, our pasts and our futures better than we can know them ourselves.  The misconception of the angry God of the Old Testament days is not an accurate portrayal.  In all that I have seen, felt and experienced in my own short 37+ years is that I have a Father who is kinder, gentler, and more loving and more involved than anyone that I have ever known and I've known some of the very best people around. 

Out of the mouth of babes, we are reminded in simple ways, like I witnessed in my own wee babe, that He wants us to rely on Him.  It may not be always be in the ways that we would want and expect, but it's always, ALWAYS the way that we would want for ourselves if we could see the bigger picture and end product of our lives like He does right now.

Now get to work.  Stop hoping for those hurdles to disappear.  Roll those sleeves up and start building that trust in Him that you'll need in order to jump those hurdles, clear out the monsters under the bed, and start acting in faith like a wee babe.

Off to another adventure.  Until next time...

~Arianna

Amazing Grace

I have loved stumbling upon the word GRACE over the past few weeks.  It first came in a heartfelt sentiment from a dear friend extending some words of encouragement.  I heard it next in a church setting in which a friend directed my attention to the fact that even Jesus Christ learned and grew GRACE for GRACE.  

As I’ve let this word settle into my mind, I was thrilled to come across it in the 2014 theme for the youth of the LDS church (watch the video for it--AWESOME!) which comes from this verse found in the Book of Mormon (scroll down to the yellow highlighted section).  GRACE is mentioned three times in that scripture.  

I came face to face with it once more this week in a speech that I’ve read several times before.  You may have seen me post the link on Facebook.  If you haven’t taken the time to watch it yet—it’s 30 min., but so very worth your while!—do it now! 

 

We watched it as a family for our family night on Monday. Let’s be real: At first the brood wasn’t thrilled with the idea.  Somehow though, the genius mom inspiration to allow the eating of kettle corn on the couch and grabbing blankets to snuggle with, seemed to make the idea more tolerable.  They ended up loving this video/message and that’s saying something!  

(Moral of that story:  Brad Wilcox is a genius and GRACE is amazing.)

So, GRACE.  What does it look like in everyday life?  

As I’ve considered this lately, I found it to be the perfect way to introduce to you to a very real challenge that we are facing right now in our home and have been for some time.  It’ll still be around from here on out, too.  It’s not a temporary thing, so finding ways to cope has steered me straight to the only source that I have for long-term coping: GRACE.

Let’s back up for a minute.

I initially began the Adventures in Sacrifice blog with the intention of sharing and recording all of the many adventures, highs, lows, funny moments, wins and losses of a day-in-the-life of an unplanned homeschooling year with an UN-homeschooling type mom.  

For those of you that need a recap, I am currently homeschooling my two youngest through a program in our school district.  It came as a very direct answer to prayer.  We needed to know how to stop the bleeding for one of our children who has gone from being chronically behind in school to outright hopeless and enraged with himself and with the whole public school experience.  It’s been rough.  All of it.  But we are surviving (and will no doubt, at some later point--possibly waaaaay down the road, be FLOURISHING) thanks to GRACE.

Diving back in.

Do you perchance know of any really difficult people?  You probably do.  For the last several years, I’ve had the exhausting experience of being the mother to one.  This child’s difficult personality has been further complicated by a few factors that are out of this child’s control.  Fortunately for us (depending on how you look at it), it rears its ugly head at home and not in any other environment which means that for those of you that know this child, you would never know, understand or have been witness to any of it.  What this also means is that I have my very own private and personal hell. The challenge is that in each day, I have to work my butt off to find the ways that God would have me patiently care for this child while sparing my sanity and that of the rest of the family. It’s an emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausting balance.

Most days, I’m on the verge of throwing in the towel, but not before I am tempted to beat someone with it first and then stuff it down my own throat and swallow it. (No child or small animal has been harmed during these really low moments:)

So before I get lost in the mess of trying to explain the problem, the causes, the results and outcome, let me instead summarize and be succinct because let's face it, I tend to be wordy:

1.  Hard, HARD kid to deal with in any normal circumstance.

2.  Hard, HARD kid has mild physiological/psychological challenges that affect moods and 

abilities to cope with stress and change.

3.  Hard, HARD school work (combined with a non-standard learning speed and style) triggers kid's inability to cope which then leads to

4.  Hard, HARD kid coming home everyday to make our lives a nightmare because struggling kid can't regulate emotions.

There you have it in the smallest nutshell that I could create.  It lacks details that would aid in empathy, but as I've been working through this in depth these past few months, I've come to learn that so many of you are facing similar challenges with your own kids in one way or another. 

Enter GRACE.

As I was feverishly praying for help in October when I saw another nightmare school year in the making, the answer came quickly and clearly that I needed to home school this year to get this kid back on track and aided with some extra tools. (Along with that clear direction came the spiritual nudge to start this blog which, quite frankly, has been very therapeutic, so thank you for humoring me dear readers!)  

Within a matter of days--mind you I had NO desire to ever home school my kids--I found myself un-enrolling my two youngest and taking over the reigns of their education for the next who knows how long.  Stress?  Nope (more like deer in the headlights).  I had every confidence in my Heavenly Father's plan.  He even managed to help me find a way to keep my small part-time job through the thick of it which on the surface may sound like a really bad idea, but has in fact proven to be a blessing in many ways.

Within the first week, the focus child no longer had night terrors.  Huge win right there.  Two weeks later, I found myself giving a talk in church about dealing with mental health challenges to my congregation which then, thanks to God's ability to multitask, led to a friendship with a bright-eyed clinical psychologist who has been helping us through all of this ever since.  Coincidences?  I think not. 

GRACE in action.

This past week I made the decision to step down from an additional church service assignment that I had committed to right as this whole process began in October.  I was so grateful for the recent fine-tuned tutoring from my Heavenly Father that has led me to be more proactive in my self-care and balance.  Yes, if I chose to stick this assignment out, He would help me, but it remained my decision.  I chose to simplify and not spread myself even thinner than I currently am. 

Once upon a time, I would have fretted over how this would have looked to others.  Bailing out is not how I typically operate.  I would have been sick to have thought that I had disappointed someone or put the burden back on somebody else.  I am a recovering people-pleaser, afterall.  But not this week and not for the last while.  This was an important victory in my mind!  I have overcome something that drove me nuts about myself!  I have the refining fire of this crisis to thank which is a form of GRACE evidenced once again in my life.

Last night our bishop called from work to speak to the child who is struggling.  This bishop shared that in his personal prayers the night before, this child's face had popped into his mind and that he needed to call and personally send our Heavenly Father's love.  This child then heard from someone other than mom that there are many talents within this child that are yet to be discovered.  What a revelation for this child, who is currently troubled yet destined for greatness, who is currently blinded by discouragement and losses! We all sat in tears after the phone call.  What a tender mercy extended by GRACE.

I fully expect many, many more experiences to surface that I can give all thanks to GRACE in our lives during this time.  Like with any other experience, doing my part does NOT mean doing it perfectly, but rather not giving up, learning along the way, improving as I go, admitting where I fall short and realizing that those shortcoming and weaknesses are how my Savior has designed ways to show His power, mercy, and GRACE in my life. 

As you may have noticed, I love words and quotes and pictures.  Grace means different things at different times.  My example won't necessarily reflect how you will benefit from and recognize GRACE in your own life. Here are a few good ones that I found on today's topic. Maybe one of these will ring true for you.

Amazing grace...

With love,

Arianna

Mirror Mirror On the Wall...You've Got the Greatest Job of All

Before we get started...

The original title for this post was going to be "The Only Time That You May Call Me a Tool and Not Get A Beating," (it'll make more sense later--also remembering that in our jargon these days, it's an insult) but decided that it was a little off-putting.  FYI: For those of you who have not been eyewitness to it, there is a trace (and at times, a heavily rushing vein) of slightly irreverent humor within the Rees family and we’re okay with that.  Just keep that in mind when deciphering my sense of humor in all future posts.

Back to the matter at hand.

I spent a wonderful evening out for dinner this weekend with some of my dearest of dear friends.  Lucky me to have them all living in the same small town and friends with one another.  At some point towards the end of the night, I sat back and took a gander at all of them, taking them all in individually and collectively—each one so different and so beautiful; each of them accomplished and fantastic. Each one having experienced or currently experiencing some sort of a loss or significant grief and yet made so lovely because of it.  I paused when I contemplated just how much each of them had been through in their lives and yet were candles of light on their various paths.

The phrase "beauty for ashes" came to mind at that moment.  Being distracted in a restaurant environment, I couldn't quite pinpoint where I had read or heard that phrase until last night.  Courtesy of the 8th Wonder of the World--Google--I was led to the Bible.  Duh, of course!

If you turn to Isaiah 61:3, you'll find the following beautiful passage:

  To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

  

I saw beauty for ashes in those ladies. Each individual's personal struggles, challenges, and circumstances having brought forth a more refined and exceptional version of what they might have otherwise accomplished on their own.  Out of the ashes of what life's fires of experience burned to the ground came beauty in the form of character traits like enduring patience, wise understanding, and immovable loyalty.

These beautiful women inspire and uplift me and at that very moment, all I wanted to do was to squeeze each one of them and make a scene right then and there with an over the top Tom Cruise on the Oprah couch sort of moment, telling each of them just how fabulous they were.

I got a hold of myself and stuffed it back inside for the time being.  No need to freak anyone out.

I am convinced that no matter how healthy a dose of self-worth or self-esteem one may have, everyone needs a metaphorical mirror to be held up from time to time--a personal cheerleader--in order to see themselves as they really are and what they are becoming.  

I have been mercifully blessed with people placed in my life over the years that have accomplished this very thing for me.  I am forever indebted to them.  They have held up that mirror for me to see the light that is within me even during times that all I could recognize and focus on was what I felt was dark or broken or missing.

I found this quote the other day.  

Don't you love that mirror?  It's got the best job! Sign me up. I want to be that tool that reflects back others' light for them to see.

I love this author's perspective on the two options that we have and the good news that we can do and be both at any given time.  

Let's talk about what it takes for each of us to be able to act as that tool or instrument in the lives of others to bring about that miracle of seeing beauty for ashes within.  

In my previous post about self-care, I shared with you my recipe for what I consider to be the most vital and necessary steps to have a functioning and fulfilling day regardless of what life may bring.  It's the foundation for coping with every problem, question, crisis, desire for change, expression of gratitude, and first step in making your world a better place.  I keep feeling the need to re-emphasize it.

To refresh your memory, the steps go like this:

1. Wake up early at dark o'clock.  Having that precious quiet time is crucial and sets the stage for the other steps to take place before the day gets into full swing and takes on the feel of a 3-ring circus.  In those silent minutes while your mind is still fresh, God speaks.  Be prepared to listen. If you're distracted, you'll miss it.

2.  Read from the scriptures.  This is the most precious secret that I can share with you. I wish that I had really discovered it for myself much earlier in my life.

Some days I have 10 min. and some days I have/make more time.  My reading is sometimes chronological--reading from wherever I happen to be in the Bible or Book of Mormon.  Often I am studying topics for an upcoming lesson that I'll be teaching to a youth group the following Sunday.  But my favorite way to study is to "listen" to those spiritual nudgings that come in the form of ideas or phrases that seem to linger, as I've mentioned before.  Lately, it's been mercy and grace.  Perhaps it'll be a post for a later date.

3.  Exercise.  Remember that self-care is taking care of your own mental, emotional, and physical health.  In order to be that instrument in helping others, you have got to take care of that vehicle housing your mind and spirit.  I promise you that no matter how tired you are, you will ALWAYS feel better when you are done with your workout.  Always.  I have never once regretted getting up to exercise no matter how exhausted I may have felt upon waking up.  Exercise will have more impact on how you'll feel later in the day than will an extra hour of sleep.  It's true.  Just trust me.  Show gratitude for the body that you were given by taking care of it!

4.  Take time to ponder and pray and then plan your day (I combined steps 4 and 5 from the original list).  You are a steward of your time.  Give God the very first part of your day (a tithing of your time as I like to refer to it) and the rest will come together oh so much better.  Having created a precious window of time in the morning where you've invited a reverent spirit will allow for you to be significantly more in tune with what needs to happen with your day.  My most ingenious ideas that help my family and those around me come during this time.  I marvel each time it happens and then smile...God is allowing me to participate in His great plan.  I am the luckiest girl in the world!  The best part is that this can be true for you too and it will happen more often if you follow steps 1-4.

So, what does this have to do with my amazing group of friends (insert family, co-workers, etc.), mirrors, and tools?  I can be a mirror for them showing them their beauty for ashes, but I have to first prepare myself and my day in order to best be fit to cheerlead them on. 

So go ahead, please call me a tool.  I promise that I won't get mad.

~Arianna

Self-care: Take a Cue From Nike and Just Do It.

For those of you pining for a Disneyland/beach trip recap, that will come in a future post, but of course with some kind of a mildly amusing, yet useful spin.  For now it's in the "To Be Continued" file folder.

Just know that if you follow me on Facebook, you saw a small glimpse of the highlights, but I spared you the trauma of driving 32 hours round-trip with kids in the car who get on each others nerves at the mere thought of being in the same room. Together. Possibly breathing the same air with knees touching. Good times.

The good news is that the hard parts, like in pregnancy and giving birth, are eventually lost in a fog of forgotten memories. What's left behind are the pictures of smiling faces, mouse ears with names embroidered on the back, and seashells gathered from the most splendid beach.

We have just a few more days until the start of a brand spankin' new year.  If you haven't seen it already, people are scheming and sharing their goals, their new aspirations for the year, their resolutions.  For the record, I NEVER make New Year's resolutions.  Never.  It's a total set-up for disappointment and failure, quite frankly.  This lack of optimism may be surprising to you, but let me explain.  I prefer to make smaller course corrections throughout the year.  Lasting change comes that way, just like in effective weight loss, gaining better fitness, or increasing your savings account.  Small consistent changes do the trick with infinitely better and more permanent results.

What I DO believe in and do at the start of each new year is to PLAN for joy.  In my last post, I shared just a few adventures that have brought me pure, unadulterated joy in my life.  I love being outside and doing something adventurous, but in order for those kinds of things to take place, I have to make a plan or it just won't happen.  

I love lists and they have to be even numbered:)  Humor my slightly OCD moment, please.  This is how my agenda looks so far:

1. snowshoeing on Mt. Hood and convince some maniacs to snow camp with me
2. start yoga and add TRX training back into my routine
3. hike in Yosemite
4. white water rafting twice
5. run the NW Passage Ragnar relay
6. take a group of 12 to hike/climb Mt. St. Helens
7. backpacking in the Olympic National Park or in Mt. Rainier National Park
8. plan/execute year 4 of 'Couve to Coast and our annual Labor Day weekend Oregon coast beach trip
9. a possible family reunion in Mexico
10. find something totally new to try, perhaps a little kayaking or stand up paddle boarding on the Columbia River

Just typing it out to read makes me giddy. Doing this is a way that I give myself the gift of self-care.  Wait, did I just drag you unsuspectingly into the world of "self-help?"  Yup.  You betcha.  We are all responsible for our own happiness.  Sitting around waiting for good things to happen and land in our laps is foolishness.  We're suffering from a good bout of entitlement if we whine and complain about our circumstances and do absolutely nothing about it.

Make a plan and do something.

 

For those of you that are or have been young moms, do you experience or remember that feeling of losing yourself?  Have you woken up one day out of the fog of sleepless nights and teething toddlers trying to remember who the heck you are and what exactly is it that you liked to do in a world before nap-times and cutting food up into bite-sized bits?  Perhaps you've been a care-giver to a person with an illness or perhaps some other circumstance that has required all that you have and all that you are to be sacrificed in the name of a worthy and necessary cause.  We have or will at some time find ourselves in this perfect storm.  It's an essential environment for personal growth--learning such sacrifice is absolutely critical for personal development, but with all things, it needs to be balanced.

I see all too often those of you (mothers especially) generous, kind, self-sacrificing folk needing a good dose of self-care.  It almost sounds like a four letter word, doesn't it?  Especially if you come from a religious environment that praises self-sacrifice and losing oneself in the service of others, this concept may sound selfish and radical and maybe even sinful at best.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't lost my mind nor have I jumped ship--those of you that have served with me in many capacities over the years know that I am a firm supporter of the value of sacrifice and service. It's woven into what makes me Arianna.

Because I come to you with first-hand experience and eye witness accounts, trust me when I tell you that anything, ANYTHING to an extreme is harmful. Yes, even service and sacrifice.

I came across a beautiful analogy that explains just why taking time to manage your own joy and essentials for happiness is important and necessary.  It comes from a blog post that I found to be a thought-provoking and essential read for those of you that battle guilt and struggle with making time for yourself and filling your metaphorical cup.  The author is a Christian pastor who described how he was doing all the "right things" like paying tithes, ministering to others, praying daily and yet found himself in a state of unexplained depression and exhaustion.  Here is what he discovered.  It is truth.

"When I was headed into my burnout phase, but before I really hit bottom, I went to a pastors' retreat. During a worship time an image came to me of a huge river. The river was the love and grace of God. It was deep and wide, and it was flowing, so there was no way you could ever use it up. And the banks of the river were full of people who were thirsty. In that image I saw myself running down to the river, filling up cups with water, and then running back to shore to give the cups to people who were thirsty. That was my job, but I knew it wasn't working. I was just getting tired. And the thirsty people were still thirsty no matter how fast I ran back and forth to the river. However, I resisted the idea that something was wrong. I even had a little argument with God, in which I insisted that those people were going to die of thirst if someone didn't take them some water. 
 
It was then that I had a revelation: If I waded out into the water and started drinking because I was thirsty, then people who wanted to drink would see that and know where to get water themselves. Of course, it is so obvious now that it seems silly to say it, but it was a completely radical concept to me. You mean I was just supposed to drink, myself? To get my own need for spiritual refreshment filled? Was that my job? 

Thinking that our job is to carry water for other people is a direct reflection of the JOY mentality. Some of us were raised with this. The idea is that J-O-Y comes from putting Jesus first, Others second and Yourself last. That's what I was doing. Because I loved Jesus I was committed to carrying water to the thirsty. I didn't have time to notice whether I was thirsty. My job was to carry water as fast as I could. I now have a completely different belief about where joy comes from. The image I have is of a water fountain made of a stack of bowls. At the top is a bowl that fills with water, which then spills out to fill the bowls under it. The bowl at the top is me. God wants to fill that top bowl until it overflows. And when it's full, it begins to overflow into other people's lives. I can give out of abundance, but not out of need. I don't need to deprive myself in order to give to others. The kingdom of God is not about scarcity. Out of our abundance we can share with others. That's a whole different approach to life."

I have to admit that when I read this passage, I sat in silence mulling it over for a bit.  It was pure, inspired genius and it described so many scenarios that I had seen in my own life and that of so many others. I especially loved the imagery of God's grace flowing to others through us, but only in abundance when we have first taken the time to nourish ourselves.  Kind of sounds like putting the oxygen mask on ourselves before doing so for others on an airplane.  It reminds me of the passage in the book of Luke 22:32 that teaches us that we are to go out and strengthen others after we have done so for ourselves.

For those of you that need a little more assurance that making the choice to fill your cup is kosher, I'll refer you to the life of Christ.  In multiple instances in the New Testament, we find the Savior taking time alone in nature, away from his disciples and from people whom he loved and served in order to recharge his own batteries.  We see it it here, here, and here.

Now there are some of you that actually need a good cattle prodding in the direction that screams, "Pull your head out of your indifferent or self-absorbed world and help others!" but most of you (and me) need some coaching on being better and more attentive to refilling our own cups, bowls, and buckets. Thus, the need to better understand what self-care looks like in our lives, so let's chat about that for a minute.

In an article from the magazine Psychology Today, we learn what self-care is NOT:

Self-care is not self-pampering - not that there's anything wrong with self-pampering - pedicures, dark chocolates, and other luxuries.  That is, as long as you can afford luxuries.  Spending money that you don't have is self-indulgence.
     
Self-care is not self-indulgence.  Popularly, the terms self-care and self-indulgence are used interchangeably, as in "Oh, go ahead, indulge.  You deserve it."  We tell ourselves that we are practicing self-care when, in fact, we are engaging in self-indulgence.  Self-indulgence is characterized by avoidance of the effortful and substitution of quick and easy antidotes.  We tell ourselves that the stresses of the day have drained our energy and that vegging on the sofa with a quart of ice cream is all we can expect of ourselves.  Rather than shouldering the hard work of self-care, we settle for temporary and largely symbolic fixes - some of which actually stress our systems further.

Here is what self-care IS...

It's going to look different for everyone based on preference, state of mind, and place in life, but it comprises taking care of one's self physically, emotionally, and spiritually DAILY.

I have a perfected recipe that I'm going to share.  It looks like this:

1. wake-up early, before the world--savor that quiet time and thank God for a brand new start
2. take 10-30 min. to read from scripture or other inspired words of God--life changing.  Don't knock until you try it. 
3. exercise--everyone can do something!
4. take time to think, ponder, meditate  (while exercising in order to multitask, if necessary)
5. visualize your day--map it out, prioritize, make room for something to look forward to

Once those basics are in place, it's my experience that you'll then be better able to discern what other self-care measures are needed in your life for your particular needs.  Those might be learning to say "no" and learning to say "yes," setting boundaries, simplifying, making sure that you stop to eat lunch or get dressed for the day (even if you have no where to go), doing things that truly replenish and are not just time killers, liking yourself more, etc. 

These are just a few.  If you need more inspiration, the internet is abounding!  And it's from my experience that if you really want to know what areas need the most tender care, God will help you to see them.  Just ask, but be prepared to do some work.

In addition, a great list is floating around the internet about what mentally strong people do which I find closely tied to this topic. I love it! Access it here.

Dear readers, please recognize that creating a good self-care routine takes time.  I certainly have not always practiced this daily plan--it took time to get to the point that it has become second nature.  I simply focused on one small change at a time.  If you'd like some tips on making a plan to make this happen in your life, I'd love to share them!  Just ask.  It's the best gift that I've been able to freely give to others and I find it joyful to pass on.

Regardless of what areas you decide this year might need improving in your life, remember these wise words:

Make a plan for self-care.  Go ahead.  Just do it!

~Arianna

Suprised By Joy

I love C.S. Lewis.  He's been gone for 50 years now, but every time that I read from his writings, I feel like I've found a long, lost old friend.  What I find beautiful is his journey in how he came to be the man that we "see" and know him to be--the wise scholar, the practical Christian theologian, the author of stories and analogies that teach about God and His workings in our lives (oh, and all of those uber popular children's books that he also managed to produce).  

What many casual readers may never realize is that he spent much of his life an atheist, resisting the very concepts and Being that he so fully embraced and devoted himself to the latter part of his life.  He lead a life much like all of ours in that the challenges and losses that he faced were the very things that brought him to an understanding of why we even exist on this planet in the first place. (If you're still wondering about who YOU are and why you're here, check this link out when you have time.)

 And now back to joy.

  

Do you remember that C.S. Lewis quote that I shared a few weeks ago about finding Joy?  He described it in a book titled The Problem of Pain and in his autobiography, which is the namesake of this post, entitled Surprised By Joy.  It's worth a read, so have a looksie, will you?

You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words: but most of your friends do not see it at all, and often wonder why, liking this, you should also like that. Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw – but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realize that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported. 

Even in your hobbies, has there not always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of – something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through, the smell of cut wood in the workshop or the clap-clap of water against the boat’s side? Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it – tantalizing glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest – if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself – you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say ‘Here at last is the thing I was made for.’

There are several meanings to this passage, but for this post's sake we'll focus on the most straightforward aspect--that of finding those activities and purposes in life that leave you fulfilled.  Once found, profound joy is discovered and you'll find yourself feeling like here at last is the thing you were made for.

Looking through the books that I own and the photos that I've saved, I see that secret binding thread that Lewis mentions.  Let me share a few of those photos.

Jeffre Lake Hike, Vancouver, BC:
Hands down THE most beautiful hike that I've ever done and I've been to some pretty spectacular places in my life.  This photo does no justice to the three aquamarine lakes that are traversed while on this trail, nor can you hear the cracking sounds of the glacier that you see in the middle of this shot, but I still can.  I can even still feel the mild fear that came from anticipating an unexpected encounter with any one of the hundreds of bears that call this particular Canadian heaven their home.

I hiked through alpine meadows, lush forests carpeted in the squishiest of mosses, and climbed to the base of that living, moving glacier.  Spectacular. Sadly, due to circumstances, I had to hike it solo.  The absolute splendor of it all brought me so much joy that day and for the rest of that trip.  What was missing was having someone there, step-in-step to share it with.  I needed to be able to share it in order for the joy to feel complete.  I did the next best thing...posted on Facebook.  Hahaha!

Country roads, Oregon, USA
Here I am on the course of our homegrown 100+ mile cycling ride called 'Couve to Coast, somewhere halfway between my house and the Oregon Coast.

There's something magical and carefree about having the wind whip past your face, covering miles of incredible surroundings and then fly down a hill at the speed of controlled recklessness.  Wanna feel like a little kid again?  Get on a bike.  Ride fast.

Cycling is a gift that was shared with me several years ago by another outdoor enthusiast.  I made the jump from mountain biking to road riding despite the nose wrinkling that most mtn. bikers typically make at such a thought.  Thank goodness I saw past that prejudice!  Because of someone sharing his passion, I benefited, and even more importantly, I've been able to share it with so many others and this has brought me joy.


Mt. Adams, OR.   This final shot was taken last year of a few fellow climbers on the side of Mt. Adams where I had the joy of taking a few friends to summit it.  Imagine the hardest hike that you've ever done while carrying the weight of a Kindergartener on your back and then trusting your life to an ice axe and crampons stuck into crusty mountain ice.  BLISS!!  WHoohoOO!  Serious thrill and exhilaration.  Then when you've dragged your carcass to the top and the adrenaline subsides, you can look across the world and look to your friends to have a moment of shared satisfaction and joy.  I can relive it just by looking at this picture!

I love taking people to beautiful places and to do hard things. Here is my nirvana, people.  Here is what I was made for.  I love looking for and sharing the beauty in doing hard things (and preferably in beautiful places, if possible.)But you know what?  I don't get to experience this joy in this kind of setting as much as I'd like to.  Not every week and definitely not everyday.  But that's okay.  I get to do a version of it at work, at home, and at church if I look real hard and if I think about what I do in those terms.  

So here's this week's challenge, fellow adventurers:  find what brings the kid out in you.  Is it music?  Is it creating art?  Is it teaching others?  Are you making time to actively pursue those joyful activities and are you seeing how that secret thread, as Lewis calls it, is bound in all of the many aspects of your life? You'll be happily surprised to find that joy if you go looking for it, recognize it, and plan to do more of it!

I look forward to hearing about what you've uncovered.  I hope that each of you is discovering what you were made for.

Until next time.

~Arianna