When Life Gives You Holland, Make Hollandaise--Part 2

Hello there dear readers!

Here is the second part to the "When Life Gives You Holland" post as promised.  If you missed the first installment, check here for that post.  I recapped the wonderful women's conference that I attended this past weekend in which I also happened to be a guest speaker.  It was out of town, so for all you locals, you didn't miss anything that was happening nearby (oh, but you'll wish that you had been there--it was that good!) This post and its title will make a world of more sense if you take a look back, so make a pit stop here first.

Dutch tulips in Woodburn, OR.

When we last met, I gave you a look into an inspiring event that I had the opportunity to participate in with the promise that I would share the talk that I gave.  I would have been able to fill an hour of time with all that has been rumbling around in my head on the topic of grace, but had to really limit it to what I felt inspired to share.  I absolutely loved thinking about grace in terms of how it works in our lives when we plan for "Italy," but end up in "Holland" instead.  We all make the best of plans and dream the best of dreams, but life is perfectly imperfect for a reason.  We can choose to learn and grow or find ourselves missing the point and missing the unique beauties that accompany challenging territories.

The following is the talk that I gave with a little extra that I was forced to leave out due to time, and with some slight modifications to make it blog reader-friendly. As always, thanks for reading and enjoy!  I hope that you find something that is meaningful to you.

When Life Gives You Holland

As I’ve been contemplating metaphorical trips to Holland, the scriptural phrase “weak things made strong” has settled into my mind.  If you’ve spent any time here on earth, which obviously you have because you're reading this, then you’ve probably come face to face with the disappointment and the reality that we’re surrounded by weak things: ourselves, others, and this world in general. 

Sometimes things just don’t always work out the way that we had hoped or dreamed.  We planned for Italy, but ended up in Holland or Afghanistan, for that matter.  At times it may even feel like we’ve been kicked off a speeding train only to land in the middle of Beirut with no return ticket home. Our best made plans and ideals often take a 180-degree turn when we least expect it.  But it's those "weak things" that are the very things designed to lead us back to live with our Father in Heaven.  Nobody is free from these sorts of experiences.  Nobody.

Darn it.  

So now what?

Well, I have news for you; it’s hopeful news.  Weak things are given to us to make us strong, and in the particular strength that the Savior has in mind, lie the keys to peace and happiness regardless of our current situation.  Adversity, trial, loss, hardships, or whatever you may call them, are perfectly designed to leave us totally and completely dependent for help and recovery.  That perfect storm in each of our lives is designed as a means to lead us back to God because He is the only source where those voids will ever be filled.  We often complain about the current generation being struck with a heavy dose of feelings of entitlement.  Let's take a closer look at ourselves.  Couldn't we say the same about us?  Do we recognize that we often feel entitled to an easy life free from challenges and pain?

Author C.S. Lewis, in the book The Problem of Pain, accurately describes that foolishly, what we sometimes want is NOT a loving Father in Heaven who will not be satisfied until we are made into divine works of art, but rather that we foolishly wish for a kindly, somewhat senile grandfather in heaven who simply wants us to have fun and to have a good time.  God who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him.  Yet we will not seek for permanent happiness in Him as long as He leaves us any other options of where it can be temporarily found or experienced while here on earth.

"The settled happiness and security which we all desire," Lewis reasons, "God withholds from us by the very nature of the world; but (temporary) joy, pleasure, and merriment he has scattered (abroad).  We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy.  It is not hard to see why.  The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and (become) an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bath or a football match, have no such tendency.  Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”
 

The truth is this:  We each have custom-made challenges, and their placement in our lives are given as a means for us to have no other choice but to turn to Jesus Christ to act as our Savior.  When we seek Him, we get to know Him.  When we know Him, we will follow Him.  When we follow Him, we come to love Him and then can become like Him.  In this way, His mission and our Father’s master plan is accomplished.  Weak things are given to make us strong and as the means to return to live with them.

The scriptures teach us this truth!  

In Ether 12:27 we can read about it, noting my little change in replacing the word “men” with the word “women”:
 

                 And if (wo)men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto (wo)men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all (wo)men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

So just know, that if you’re recognizing weaknesses in your life, then you’re actually on the right track.  When we can admit to our own shortcomings or recognize that we are being subjected to disappointment in one of a million ways that only this life can provide, then we can know that we’re on the path to becoming strong.  Recognizing and admitting weakness is the first step. But how many times have we mistakenly thought that relief and growth from these disappointments can only come in another lifetime or at a minimum, a long way down the road of life?   In reality, if we look at the weak things in our lives with the right perspective, we will better recognize that the Savior can and will help us right here and right now. 

It is all part of a divine plan; one in which we all agreed upon before entering this mortal life.  You may not remember it, I know that I don’t, but what I do catch glimpses of in bits and pieces is that, though perhaps a tad naively, we were once fearless and full of hope in the face of the pitfalls of life.  Can’t you just see us all now? “A broken body?  Bring it on!” “Wayward children?  I can handle this!” “Family dysfunction.  Phhfffft.  I got this one!”

That valiant hope and optimism came from the understanding that we once had, that through our brother Jesus Christ, the far-reaching doctrine of the Atonement and Grace, would compensate for our earthly trips to Holland (or Afghanistan or Beirut) that would take place here in this life.  We once had a clear vision that if all of our mortal sight-seeing trips were spent in the Italy’s of life, we would NEVER achieve the immeasurable growth that we wanted and needed.

So what about that concept of GRACE mentioned earlier in that verse in the book of Ether?  I have seen that word pop-up everywhere recently—everywhere from the 2014 LDS Youth Theme, church magazine articles, and Sunday school lessons.  I’m confident that this is a direct result of our Savior desiring that we come to understand this powerful concept. 

As the young women (girls' youth group ages 12-18) of my ward (congregation) were discussing it recently, the consensus was that grace can sometimes feel like a warm-fuzzy concept that is hard to measure or quantify.  You can’t see it, so how do you know that it’s at work in your life?  What does it have to do with weaknesses and trials?

I love this definition of grace found in the Bible dictionary:  Grace is divine help and strength that we receive through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Grace is an enabling power that strengthens us from day to day and helps us endure to the end.  It is the Savior’s rescuing help right here and right now.  

In that verse in the book of Ether, we learn that when we are humble, He can more readily apply this doctrine of grace.  I am convinced that the more acquainted we become with grace, the more we’ll recognize it in our lives, and ultimately, the more we’ll then be open to receiving more of it in our lives.

For your benefit, I put social media to work for a good purpose.  I recently conducted a Facebook survey asking for personal experiences with this divine help and strength given through grace.  It turned out to be a truly touching experience.  I’d like to share a few of the responses that were given from both men and women.  

Here’s how you and they have experienced grace:

-Grace is what has enabled me to look ahead, smile, and keep going even during times that I thought I would break. 

-Grace is miraculous recoveries, unexpected job offers from unexpected places, and people who show up to help my family just when we need help the most.

-Grace is the wonder that when I do my best, Christ will make up the difference.  It’s the whisperings of the Spirit that teach me that I can truly be perfect in him with His help, right here and right now. 

-Thanks to His grace, I have the ability to succeed at being perfect each day and never have to feel like I don't measure up or like I fail over and over, or like the commandment to be perfect is too hard. I simply have to put in my best effort. Naturally I still have to continue to grow and learn, so that I over time become better at being perfect.  And since my best effort varies from day to day, so does the measure of grace extended. The glass is always full, and thanks to that grace, I can be worthy to live in my Heavenly Father's presence each day.

-Grace is learning to love those people who have hurt you, betrayed you ... and yet you ask for forgiveness for not loving THEM and knowing He forgives you and helps you to learn to love them anyway ... and He never leaves you alone in your loneliness ... grace is knowing that as long as your heart is in the right place your 'mortal-ness' is forgiven.

-I find Grace in deciding to appreciate those around me for what is good in them and their positive qualities rather than disliking them for the small personal flaws they may exhibit.  Not everyone is made perfect but most are trying to be as good as they can. I think it is graceful to recognize this. I also believe that this is how a God would view his creations.

-Something I have learned is that just because grace exists and we will need it in order to return to our Father in Heaven doesn't mean it always comes easy. Sometimes we will still be tried and tested to our limit (or at least what we think is our limit) before we can see the act of grace in our life. We still have to prove to The Lord that we are faithful to him and will turn to and rely on him when times get tough. Then he pours out his blessings to us in the form of grace. I guess another way to put it is some things come for free by way of grace such as the resurrection. Other things we have to prove ourselves worthy of or "pay a certain price" before grace kicks in.

-Grace helps me be okay with me, accepting my imperfections, striving to be better and not trying to shape me into someone else.

The most fascinating thing occurred to me while reviewing all of these replies to may Facebook survey.  I noticed that every single person who answered, had been someone who had experienced trips to "Holland."  Abandonment, loneliness, horrific chronic illness, same gender attraction, the loss of a baby, the victim of abuse, a spouse or self, dealing with ongoing mental health issues.  We’re talking some real heavy hitters as far as hardships here.  You name it, these dear people have faced it.

These precious women and men could testify of the power of grace in their lives because they had been given weak things.  In time, they each came to look to Jesus Christ as a means for coping.  Often He was not the first means that they seeked to fill the void and take away the pain, but eventually He was and that’s when they started to better recognize grace.  It was then, through initial weakness, that they were made incredibly strong.

From this we can learn that when we seek out Jesus Christ in faith, we begin to recognize miracles.   When we’re most acquainted with Holland, we are more likely to be acquainted with the power of the Savior. 

And with the same wisdom and wonder as Eve we sometimes ask, “Is there no other way?”

No my friends;  He is the only way.

Even as the Savior, though as perfect as He was, had to live and learn and grow grace by grace (D&C 93:12-13), so will we make it, endure it, even flourish and blossom in hardships, thanks to the power of grace.

Grace is evidenced in ways that are as infinitely unique as each of our life challenges.  It's those big and small miracles that we often mistake for coincidence.  It is our Savior showing us in personal ways that He loves us, knows us, and cares for us. He walks beside us down those difficult roads that will eventually lead to a life that’s even better than the one that we would have created for ourselves.  I know this to be true as I see grace in action in my own life and as I experience my own trips to Holland.

So when life gives you Holland...well, you know the rest.

Off on another adventure!
~Arianna




 

When Life Gives You Holland, Make Hollandaise--Part 1

 Tulip season in the Northwest is almost here!

Tulips are some of my most favorite flowers and lucky me to live here in the Pacific Northwest close enough to visit some of the most beautiful flower farms in the country.  This is about as close to Holland as I've been, but I had the amazing opportunity this past weekend to go for a brief "visit" there courtesy of a women's conference in Southern Oregon. 

A dear friend of mine leads an LDS women's service organization (Relief Society) that encompasses several congregations in the Medford, OR. area. She, with other local leaders, put on an amazingly touching and profound event in which I was honored to speak on Saturday.  

The premise for the conference was based on an essay that was written by Emily Kingsley in 1987 titled "Welcome to Holland." Kingsley uses the metaphor of planning a trip to Italy and winding up in Holland instead, to describe what life is like with the unexpected experience of having a child with disabilities.  This metaphor can effectively be applied to so many of life's unexpected twists and turns!

In order to better understand the rest of this post, please take a min. to read the short essay:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this... 

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. 

It's all very exciting. 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." 

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.  The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. 

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. 

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland. 

So back to my Holland weekend.

The conference was advertised as an Italian-themed event, down to invitations printed to look like boarding passes for a flight to Italy:

My clever friend created a Facebook page promoting this "trip to Italy" event with weekly posts that shared everything from links to Andrea Bocelli music to Italian food recipes in order to get everyone in the mindset for all things Italian.  She had such a huge surprise up her sleeve because all the while the program for the day was going to be about literal and metaphorical trips to Holland.

After singing a congregational hymn in Italian and English in the chapel, followed by me giving an opening prayer in Italian, the large group of women entered into a previously closed off luncheon hall to find themselves smack in the middle of all things Dutch. The looks of confusion were everywhere as women sat down to tables decorated in Dutch blue, surrounded by Dutch art, on either side of a long grassy lane filled with handmade paper tulips that even had artificial bumble bees inside.  Attention to detail was everywhere!  Details of Holland and NOT Italy.

We were blessed to hear several speakers describe their own personal trips to "Holland." These wonderful women taught us about how they have been blessed and have grown in being given life experiences that weren't necessarily what they would have planned for themselves.  They shared wisdom learned through their difficult challenges and how their faith in Christ has flourished because of hardships.

Following a short video segment of Elder Holland's LDS General Conference talk about dealing with mental health challenges, we were given some great cultural insight into life in the real Holland by a gal who had recently spent some time there.  The Dutch people are such clever and industrious folks. And they ride bikes.  Enough said.  It was SO fun to learn about their culture!

Finally, it was my turn and my dear friend in charge gave a truly moving introduction that got my waterworks flowing even before I got up on stage.  I pulled it together and gave my best effort at rousing concluding remarks on the topic of grace.  No surprise, right?  It's become my calling card of topics lately.  I'm humbled.  I'll be posting the written form of my talk in my next blog post, though it isn't perfectly identical to what I said from the pulpit, but close enough.  I used my notes quite a bit to help me stick to my allotted time, but I know that I said things that were directed by the Spirit for that particular moment that were not originally written into my talk. I love how that happens.

We ended the day with traditional Dutch foods and treats.  What a grand accomplishment for the women who organized this day for the several hundred in attendance.  We were filled in so many ways.  Thank you, ladies!  It was an honor to be a part of such a wonderful day.

ME!

The inspired "flight" crew that took us to Holland.  I love you guys.

Off on another adventure...
 ~Arianna

Guest Post: Skinny Brain

Hello All!  I put out a call a short while back inviting you readers to submit the thoughts lurking in your brains and to put them down on paper, so-to-speak, for me to share via this blog.  I know many of you have given this some thought and I encourage you to share your wonderful ideas, learning experiences, and aha! moments with the rest of us.  Don't be shy!

Today I want to introduce you to my friend Racheal who has accepted the call and the challenge.  Racheal is one of those gals whom you'd like instantly if you had the chance to meet her.  I love the easiness about her and her subtle humor and how she mischievously smirks at her own wittiness. She also happens to have the world's most darling freckles.  She'll probably cringe at me for saying that, but it's true.

She's beautiful in endless ways and smart and has a great message to share about CHANGE (the theme for this month). I'm happy to share her with you today. While you're reading and thinking about change, take a quick gander at this fun yet powerful visual that I found last night. I can't wait to talk more with you about change.  In the meantime, enjoy...

 




Skinny Brain. 


We’ve all experienced it. We overeat during the holidays and in the shame of our extra padding around the mid-section, swear we are turning over a new leaf. Dieting. Eating healthy. Making a lifestyle change. Going on a cleanse. You pick. After a good 3 days of dieting and exercise, we start to feel good. You look in the mirror and think, “Has my jaw always been this defined?” and “Dang that butt looks good!” I dub this phenomenon Skinny Brain.

Brains are very impressionable. So I hear. Three days of dieting and it is convinced you’re an athlete. Personally, I love Skinny Brain. Love it. Mostly because I do not have to be fit to feel fit. I can feel like a marathoner while barely making it to mile 3 without dying. It’s awesome! However, skinny brain has to be accompanied by diligence in order to go beyond illusion and make real change.

Guess what? There’s a metaphor in there. What?? Yes. It’s true. Maybe it’s a simile. An analogy. Deeper meaning? Something! Here it is: My patented Skinny Brain concept also applies to our spirituality. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.

I love the scriptures. Sadly though, I do not spend as much time in them as I know I really want to. I am constantly cycling: study, study, study, and after a few days of awesome, I am feeling like a spiritual giant. Keeping goals builds self-esteem. And I get a major case of Skinny Brain. I will have a good day where I forget to read my scriptures or something comes up, but it’s ok! I still have a residual spiritual high from the day before that I’m riding. Then the next day comes and I find another excuse to not read, and before you know it, I feel awful. I miss the spirit. I have doubts and a mini-existential crisis or two. Which motivate me to restart the cycle.

But cycling gets tiring. I’m ready for some consistency. I’m making choices. Today while folding laundry during naptime, instead of turning to Netflix, I listened to a super uplifting talk. Go me. (Don’t worry; I kept the Netflix homescreen up on the TV just to make me feel better.)

Skinny Brain is hollow. And unless it’s accompanied by something much more substantial, it will fail.

It’s time to stop making excuses. Our excuses, no matter how legitimate, may make us feel better, but they will never help us become better.

I think that’s where the Savior comes in. We know He is here to help us overcome our sins, but often forget that He is also here to help us become. He is perfectly consistent. If we choose to, we can truly change through Him. We decide.

I’m committed. I’m changing. And with the help of my Savior, I can do it, one choice at a time.

~ Racheal

(If you want to get to know more about Racheal, she's invited you to visit her here.)

See?  She's awesome.